Personal Trainer/Strainer

This was an email being passed around today:

For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a
personal trainer I'll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 31 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary of my progress.

Monday:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

Tuesday:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Was little late from having to stop twice to pee. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

Wednesday:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both
pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my
screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

Thursday:
Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the ladies' room. He sent Gretchen to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

Friday:
I hate that bastard Bruce. Skinny, anemic little cheerleader wannabe. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:
Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the
machine with my heating pad. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

Sunday:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband (the CREEP) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

Beautiful, Frisky, And A Great Dancer

Watch the entire video, it is well worth it. Have the volume on while you watch.

Real Life

I have been surfing blogs for a year and a half now and have enjoyed writing and playing with this blog for six months.

The real pleasure derived from this blog is in the playfulness and creative outlet this blog provides.

There have been several bloggers who have decided to take a hiatus, some for a few days and many for a few months. It is good to hear them write about the need to achieve more balance between their real life and the blogosphere.

The reason I think this is significant is that I too have a real life. I am blessed to be in a solid, stable relationship. I choose to participate in this relationship while I continue to work on my defects.

I am so grateful to read special blogs regularly and be enlightened and entertained and stimulated by their contents. I choose not to blog every day or on a regular basis. Part of the pleasure for me is the spontaneity when I get the creative juices flowing, which happens occasionally but not often.

When I visit the poetry blogs, I wish I could write poetry from the heart, and I love reading the poetry. When I visit the photography blogs, I wish I could use a camera as well as those bloggers do. When I visit the informative blogs, I wish I were a more dedicated writer.

It is enough that I enjoy finding those special blogs and that I receive something from visiting them. It is enough that I am blogging and finding time to write what I am feeling and searching for a graphic or a quote to include in a post. This is a good experience to be enjoyed without pressure or expectations.

It is certainly enough.

Cherish Each Moment; Know What is Important To You

One day someone special will be gone.

And on that clear, cold morning,
in the warmth of your bedroom,
you might be struck with
the pain of learning
that sometimes
there isn't any more.

No more hugs,
no more lucky moments to celebrate together,
no more phone calls just to chat,
No more 'just one minute.'


Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away.
never to return before we can say good-bye,
Say 'I Love You.'
¸...¸ __/ /\____
,·´º o`·,/__/ _/\_ //____/\
```)¨(´´´ | | [] | | []| | |[] || |
¸,.-·°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°·-. :º°
So while we have it . it's best we love it . .
And care for it and fix it when it's broken .
and take good care of it when it's sick.

This is true for marriage .. and friendships .

And children with bad report cards;
And dogs with bad hips;
And aging parents and grandparents.
We keep them because they are worth it,
Because we cherish them!
¸....¸ __/ /\____
,·´º o`· ,/__/ _/\_ //____/\
```)¨(´´´ | | [] | | []| | |[] || |
¸,-·°´ ¸,.-·~· ~·-.,¸ `°·-. :º°

Some things we keep --
like a best friend who moved away
or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that
make us happy, No matter what.

¸..¸ __/ /\____
,·´º o`·,/__/ _/\_ //____/\
```)¨(´´´ | | [] | | []| | |[] || |
¸,.-·°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°·-. :º°

Life is important,
and so are the people we know .

This is an email that I received on the day we attended a memorial for my dear friend's father.

Recovery

Today is the first day
of one day at a time.




There are new things to learn now.
New words, new vocabulary, new methods.
New lessons to be learned.
Healing to be initiated and received.
Every day is important.
Every day is valuable.
The universe is smiling.


The plan is to fill the joy box.
And deal with the sorrows.

Lists

I use lists for groceries,
chores I need to do,
things I want to remember.


While sitting around one evening,
I started this list,
and it turned out to be fun.





Checking out
Fading out
Wigging out
Asking out
Barfing out
Chewing out
Drowning out
Freaking out
Passing out
Wiping out
Calling out
Pigging out
Dining out
Going out
Pulling out
Coming out
Tripping out
Breaking out
Grossing out
Walking out
Running out
Stalling out
Chickening out
Balancing out
Ordering out
Eating out
Rounding out
Bumming out
Throwing out
Bellowing out
Dumping out
Squeezing out
Farming out
Phasing out
Reaching out
Spreading out
Cashing out
Doling out
Maxing out
Timing out
Weaseling out
Bowing out
Panning out
Bottoming out
Bailing out
Crying out

These words don't have the same meaning when the words stand alone.
But add the word "out" and the phrase is different from the word.
Just thought it was interesting.

Can Opener

We have a new toaster. Now we are looking for a new can opener.

The Most Worthless Emotion

Someone said the worst emotion is self pity.

I think the worst emotion is fear. When I allow fear to dominate my emotions, I am frozen, cannot move. Operating from fear is worse than not moving forward, it is stepping backward. And guess what I am stepping in when I step backward?

Fear is "real" whether it is fact or imagined. Either way, it is very unpleasant, time consuming, and the things I need working for me have been shut down.

I used to accept the general consensus that there is such a thing as healthy fear. Fear of fire so don't put your hand in the fire. Caution is good; fear is debilitating. If I am not moving forward in harmony with the universe, then I am on auto-pilot to self destruct.

I am a fan of Louisa May Alcott:

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."

It is time for me to learn to sail.

Remember When You Were A Kid..........

Life is an adventure. We have to take chances to find out how it feels.

Protein May Stop Asthma Attacks

An interesting article in BBC News caught my eye regarding asthma. Someone very close to me has asthma and I confess to minimal knowledge of asthma except to see that it causes distress and discomfort and anxiety. I cannot imagine personally dealing with difficulty to get the air we need; for people like me, simply breathing in and out is taken for granted. For someone with asthma, their sleep is interrupted and they carry inhalers and hope they don't catch a cold.

Some of the article in BBC News:

UK researchers found there were low levels of proteins which should act as lung cells' first line of defense.

Writing in Nature Medicine, they say boosting levels of these proteins could protect people with asthma from having an attack because of a cold.

The researchers, from Imperial College and the Medical Research Council Centre in Allergic Mechanisms of Asthma, tested lung cells from people with and without asthma.

It was found that when the people with asthma were infected with a common cold virus, a rhinovirus, their lung cells produced half the usual levels of a type of interferon - a protein with antiviral properties generated by the immune system. The lower the level of the antiviral protein, the more severe the asthma attack.

Uncovering this mechanism could lead to a new way of treating or preventing asthma attacks.

Inhalers could be used to get extra interferon directly to the lungs to help the immune system fight viral infection. It could be given either when the first symptoms of a cold appear, or even throughout winter as a preventative treatment.

Also in BBC News:

Researchers say they have found a way to predict asthma attacks using a mathematic model.

The findings may help asthmatics control their symptoms more effectively and improve the testing of new drugs.

The Nature paper authors were able to predict the likelihood of an asthma attack occurring over the next month by looking at peak flow readings.

These readings give doctors an idea of how well a person's lungs are working - low readings mean poorer function.

The model the international team used is based on processes known as "chaos" which are applied to complex systems, such as the weather, that despite appearing random, actually are not and are dependent on the interaction of many individual components.
It may be possible to determine the risk of a severe attack of asthma in individual subjects, and to use the information to modify their treatment.

The airways become hypersensitive to even apparently minor environmental factors such as small amounts of pollutants or allergens.

An inhaler which is commonly used by asthmatics for relief can increase the instability of lung function, and increase the likelihood of an acute attack if it is used regularly. Regular use of short-acting bronchodilators, or beta agonists, (four times daily with a long night time drug-free interval) increases the risk of asthma episodes.

According to Dr. Paul Enright at Web MD:

"About half of adults with asthma have allergic triggers, but the vast majority have exercise-induced bronchospasm (EIB) when they exercise vigorously in cold or dry air."

I'm sure I Have Talked To This Tech

For People Who Still Write With A Pencil

Designers Daniil Rassadin and Alexander Malinovsky have created a palm size eraser, which is fashioned like the well-known Delete Key on a computer keyboard.

Tersumus will be available for sale on July 10. Before June 10 price will be 8.8 US$, after June 10—10.5 US$. The designers claim the eraser will last for years. Maybe if it doesn't get much use it will last a long time.

Personally, I seldom have a need for an eraser, but why not use one that is fun as well as serviceable.

Bloggers Of Distinction

What To Do When The Toaster Dies

We didn't want to hurt the toaster's feelings, but we had already purchased the replacement and started using it sometimes. Perhaps that was what sped the demise of the old toaster. It gradually toasted less and finally only one side would get toasted. The new toaster would toast a dark beautiful brown in less time than the old toaster would partially toast one side.

We will invite friends and neighbors. One of us will speak about the good job the toaster did for a couple years. And we will go around the group allowing some of the friends who had personal experiences to relate regarding the toaster to share their stories. Then we will partake of an appropriate meal as we all sit and reminisce about the toaster in days gone by. After the visitors have all gone we will bury the toaster in the back yard.

The electric toothbrush is taking a couple days off and the blender and the coffeemaker are huddling on the counter.

It was a hard decision, but we had to pull the plug.

Thanks for a job well done, old toaster.

Adrift in the World of Loneliness

Found at African Refugees, this post is one so many of us can relate to. When we are in the midst of these feelings, it is good to remember the last part of this poem. Thanks, Fancy, for writing this caring and insightful poem.

Adrift in the World of Loneliness

"Staring blankly into
The distance, the neophyte finds
Himself adrift; withdrawing
From the society into a world
Of private thoughts and beauty

He stood
In absolute silence, like
A solitary flower
In a shrinking pond; waiting
For the golden dawn

After years of solitude
And melancholy, the spirit
Liberates his memory
Giving him a new life in
The suburb of dreams"

© Lawrence T. Udo-Ekpo

Part Of The Family

This little dog is part of our family. She is two years old and that is how long she has been with us.

She is a Papillon. And she is smarter than I am. I have to go to work; she gets to stay home.

There is evidence that a dog lives here in every room in the house except where we sleep. She sleeps in her large soft crate at night. She has a few toys, but I have seen dogs with a basket full of toys. Some small dogs bark incessantly, but she only barks occasionally when she hears a strange noise.

This good natured dog brings joy and fun into our home and we are so happy to share our life with her. Her name is Bree.

Good Morning, Darlin'

As we start our 18th month together, it's so nice to feel this close, and know your love.

We started one day at a time, moved in together almost a year ago, and just like I wrote in the original message you replied to... they add up.

Here's to a great day, with peace and music and long smoldering glances across the room... or even closer.

Remembered And Still Not Repaired

She walked with her head down, inspecting the patches of dried grass and brown cracked earth, avoiding the stickers and broken glass. Since the only shoes she owned were school shoes, she was bare feet and stubbed toes.

She had been sent on the usual errand to the country store for a loaf of bread. She had been told to bring back the change but she had not been told how much change to expect. Rural living meant great distances to walk and the store was a small farmers market frequented by the local residents in the low income area.

Her mind was not on the errand. Tomorrow would be her ninth birthday and a friend from school was coming home from school with her and spending the night. This would be the first time someone spent the night.

She was hoping her father would not drink too much and fight with her mother in front of her friend. What actually happened was more devastating than another family brawl.
The accident scarred the little friend for life, her face so damaged it could not be repaired. There were many things that could not be repaired and there were no more childhood friends.

To Be Continued in a Future Post.

Happy Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day grew out of a German superstition
that if a hibernating animal casts a shadow February 2
winter will last another six weeks.
If no shadow is seen, legend says spring will be early.

From Our World:

"Top 10* Reasons to Celebrate Groundhog Day

11. It's on nearly every calendar.
10. Helps relieve cabin fever.
9. Spring or not, it's six weeks till St Urho's Day.
8. Forecast is no less reliable than the National Weather Service.
7. At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way.
6. Valentine's Day is too depressing for romantically challenged people like me.
5. Unlike the Easter bunny, he keeps his dirty paws outside.
4. As they used to say on radio: "The Shadow knows".
3. It's fun to say "Punxsutawney".
2. If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him.
1. In Minnesota, either way we come out ahead.

* I had some math training at a Big Ten conference school, which explains why there are eleven reasons in the list."

Two Medical Tests At The Same Time

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