Free of Pretense

Swinging in the breeze
Weightless and free
No strings attached
Unconditional love

Ears to listen
A shoulder to lean on
Advice if you request it
Tissues at the ready

No phony baloney
No bullshit either
Showing some love
With genuine feelings

Peace

Maybe peace begins within. When we have reached the place of truth and serenity in our individual lives, we are capable of getting along with others; people in our immediate family, in our neighborhoods, at work. Then we bring a freedom from disturbance as we travel the highways, following the laws of the road and showing courtesy to other drivers and their passengers. The mental calm extends to strangers we make eye contact with in stores, in the library and museums. As we reach out to others, we begin to understand we are all important, we all matter, we all bleed when wounded. We are trying to survive. There is no such thing as status in humanity. Social standing is relative. Our rank is our right to exist. If we all truly understood this, peace would be unavoidable.



Image courtesy of Graphics Grotto.

Getting Ideas

How many times do we miss a great adventure or a new experience because we give up?

An idea peeps through the window curtain, and we have a choice to glimpse and do nothing or open the curtain fully, grasp the idea and run with it.




We might have to try again and again to succeed, but what bliss when we do.

Easter Bonnet

However you celebrate Easter,
Whoever you are with,
Wherever you are,
May you make the day special.

If you believe in miracles
Or in chocolate bunnies,
Cherish your blessings
And believe in hope.

Friend

The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.

Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Moon

Image courtesy of Graphics Grotto.com


Your smile is gentle
Sometimes full beam
Even a sliver shows a hint
of humor

You scamp.
You flirt with us all.

Constant Craving

If you don't know it by now, I am a big fan of of KD Lang's voice. If I could sing, this is the voice I would want.

When I think of craving, I don't think of food. Not food for the body anyway. My cravings have to do with sustenance for my inner being. Nurturing my soul is what I seek daily.

I am not perfect. Surprised? Ha. Living in this little town has put me around kindness and caring that I have wanted in my life. Thinking I was not worthy of love and believing being tough and disconnected was my only way to get through life, I prevented gentleness and serenity most of the time.

Now I understand that when I am challenged I am able to deal with the hard stuff without giving up the great stuff.

Good Intentions

Are good intentions a waste of time?

I don't think so.

For me, thinking about doing something is the first step. I walk all around it in my head like a new dance step. It might take several turns on the dance floor to make the right moves, so in my head a smooth move is the result of the mental practice.

Trying something new takes courage. Making positive changes can be "ouchy". Uncomfortable.

Stepping out of the comfort zone is taking the first step. Sometimes it is a new adventure. Occasionally taking that first step leads to amazing growth and wellness. It all began with a thought, then became a good intention that morphed into a healthy change.


Drawing found on Google.

Some People Don't Get To Be-Bop Through Life

A lone flower is propped up by a boot at a shoe installation marking International Day for Landmine Awareness at Simon Bolivar Square in Bogota, Colombia April 4. On each of the more than 9,000 shoes is the name of a land mine victim representing those injured in Colombia. Colombia is second to Afghanistan as the nation with the largest number of victims. (Fernando Vergara/Associated Press)

The more I wake up and smell the flowers in my life through my ongoing recovery, the more aware I am of other people. In my closed in little life I always said Columbia was one place I would never want to live. My previous husband and I almost moved to Belize about twenty years ago but after much investigation and meetings with other people living in Belize, I was the one who just would not live so close to Columbia.

Then I saw this photo today and cried for my fellow human beings who have lived and died in Columbia. I had a choice and most of them did not. I will keep this photo handy and when I feel sorry for myself, contemplating the hardships of others will take the focus off me. I am a card carrying member of the human race. We are all in this thing called life together.

Dare To Dream

Reach for what you want
Work to achieve it
It's not going to be handed to you

The Importance Of A Water Supply

A boy carries a container of water in Kabul on March 16. (Dar Yasin/Associated Press)

My grandchildren turn on the water faucet. And waste water. Children in Afghanistan fetch water like this.

Some Of Us Can Change Our Stripes

I can only speak for myself.
The times that I would be present
in the moment and in sync with
the universe, were special times.
They didn't last long though.
But the memory of them lasted
much longer.

Each time it happened, I would seek change or ideas or suggestions of what to do outside myself, with no idea that things needed to change within. It would be funny except it was not funny at all. I was a miserable human being, depressed and playing parts to fit in with those people around me.

Now I understand the dissociation was learned behavior in early childhood. It had become so normal for me that I did not know what I was seeking was clearly within my grasp. I was no longer a child trying to survive; the tools I learned then were getting in my way as an adult. It was a disorder getting in the way of living a full and healthy life.

I learned to face the truths, forgive the past, realize when I would "disappear", and gradually spend more time in the present. The past few years have been a discovery beyond my dream, the life I wanted is better than the glimpses I had here and there. This has nothing to do with anyone else; my stability and health are not dependent on husband or family or friends. It is something I have worked hard to learn and incorporate into my being. The stripes that needed changing in my case were on the inside. It is the icing on the cake so to speak that my hubby and I have chosen to improve our relationship as we each worked with counselors individually. Life isn't a fantasy; it is real and sometimes scary and difficult. For me now, though, I choose to be in the moment, dealing with unpleasant things as they occur, changing what I can to make things more palatable, accepting the things I cannot change. Sounds familiar, right? Reading it or hearing other people say it is different from voicing the Serenity Prayer from my heart. It is not just some words to repeat over and over; the Serenity Prayer has helped change my life from stripes to polka dots of peace.

Dancing Together

Waking up together
Smiling to see each other
Waltzing through the day
Another dance of joy

Sharing ideas and thoughts
Swaying in the serenity
Doing a spontaneous tango
Across the living room floor

Dancing through the days


Photo information: Mariano Balois and Yanina Fajar with Tango Inferno perform a tango called "Gallo Ciego" during a rehearsal Jan. 11 at the Joyce Theater in New York. (Timothy A. Clary/AFP/Getty Images) #

Can You See It?

Graphic found on Glitter Graphics

True Story

A young girl was found wandering the streets in South Korea. It was estimated she was between two and three years of age. It appeared she had been living by her own devices for some time. After extensive investigation and searching, no family could be found. Not one person knew who this little girl was.

An organization from the United States was on hand to help with children like this. It was determined that the little girl would be joining other children on a trip to Hawaii, where families would be found for them. After arriving in Hawaii, legal citizenship and proper birth certificates were obtained for the children. They were now citizens of the US.

Families throughout the US had been waiting for children to adopt. This little girl found her way into the hearts of a family living in California. The family was already going through some changes. Just as the mother and father were starting the adoption proceedings, the ex-wife of the father was killed in a traffic accident on the east coast, so the fifteen year old daughter was now living with father and step mother and their two sons.

There were three siblings for the little girl to spoil her and love her. Since a birthday had been picked at random for her, that became a day to celebrate in the family. So a three year old was accepted and loved and living in a family.

Some bad memories must have lingered in the little girl's mind. As she grew older, she held herself back just enough to let others know she did not need them. By the time she was a teenager, she was focused on her outer looks and withdrew just a little more from family and friends. In fact, she had only one friend and that was not a close friendship. While she was still in high school she talked her parents into paying for breast enhancement surgery. She became addicted to shopping and would only buy brand name clothes. And shoes. Lots and lots of shoes.

The family who adopted her had enough money to satisfy their youngest child's desires. When she began dating, it was clear she was only attracted to young men who would buy her the best and were able to arrange spectacular evenings and then weekend trips showering her with gifts.

The inner resentment was slowly manifesting itself in anger and jealousy. In the first year of college she met a young man who grew to love her deeply. They lived together three years and then married. Her unreal expectations of a fairy tale marriage began eroding at the fiber of her fantasy lifestyle. Her husband made a good living but as time went by his income was unable to keep up with her spending. There were many discussions about money and when would it be enough clothes for her to be satisfied. Apparently there was no end in sight. Because her husband loved her he tried to get her to see a counselor. Then he asked if she would work on their marriage with joint counseling. She refused.

Before they were married, she had shown great enthusiasm for having children and raising a family. Their plan was to begin a family a couple years after she graduated from college. By that time she told him that she wanted a little longer to work on her career which was just taking off.

They were married ten years before she told him she never wanted children. She did not ever want to be a mother. Being around his siblings and their children and her siblings and their children was a chore. She did not like children. She was not comfortable around them.

After two more years there was a divorce. The little girl found wandering decided she wanted to remain wandering. The scars were too deep to heal. In order for her to feel justified with her life decisions, she scorned family closeness and began seeking again the attention she received through her high school years. She opted for another breast augmentation surgery and worked out daily for hours to maintain the perfect, zero fat body.

Note: This image was found on google. I do not have a photo of the girl when she was found.

30 Things We Need — and 30 We Don't

Tony Schwartz says in this post:

"Do you have the feeling, as I do, that in the tsunami of everyday life, we're getting too much of stuff we don't need, and not enough of what we do? Herewith my first set of suggestions about how to redress the imbalance: "

There are a few "Need Mores" that are especially important to me: Fairness; Passion; Taking responsibility; and Doing the right thing. What are your favorites?

Note from TechnoBabe: This post was accidentally posted on 3/11 and correcting the posting date deleted some comments already left here. I apologize.

Over 90

I like old people. Not just because I am getting closer to this age. Not because they have been on this earth so long they have seen many changes to tell us about.

I like them because so many of them have great attitudes, positive attitudes, and they are going to enjoy each day they have. And when I say I like old people, they would say they are not old. Cool, huh?

Penguin Love

Gary Rith made two mugs for me like this. See the penguin looking up inside the cup? Hubby has yucky stuff he has been taking care of so instead of saving the coffee mugs I gave them to him today. Thank you, Gary, for the wonderful cups. Hubby really likes the penguins and the workmanship on the really cool cups.









Lots of people are finding heart shapes in natural locations.

Rocks shaped like hearts. Leaves.

People have found some wonderful hearts in snow.

This penguin is becoming famous for having a big heart.

Photo found here.

Penguins hold special meaning for hubby and me.

Read here for the rest of the story.

I heart ya'll.

Luck And Love

Documentaries

Hubby and I watched a movie that kept me awake most of the night. Not a horror movie or an action movie. It was a documentary. I look for documentaries and usually enjoy them. Hubby found this one and we looked forward to watching it together.

The documentaries I had watched were like mini movies. Narrated by a film person and photographed well.

This movie was real life. Real people. Real emotions.

The real family of Pat Tillman spoke about the way they were told about Pat's death. What followed were years spent searching for truth.

After viewing this movie, I asked myself why. Why is there a term "friendly fire". Blowing someone's head off is not friendly. Why didn't more people come forward when it was obvious they knew the truth. What happened to the five soldiers in Pat's outfit who shot him. How can dishonest men go before a congressional committee and lie and disrespect all the men and women in the armed services and then laugh and shake hands and all but piss on the family they just disrespected. If the death of this one soldier was used for political hype because this young man was in the NFL, why are the deaths of all the other soldiers downplayed so sadly?

Three days earlier I posed a question: Do you know who Pat Tillman was. The reason for asking it in the post was to see if there were other people like me who did not know the full story. 53% of the commenters knew who Pat Tillman was and some of the story. It was a higher percentage than I thought it would be. You all are a well informed bunch of bloggers, and then there are the rest of us. Ha. This was a fun experiment for me, thanks for your answers.

Question/Survey

Question.

Who was Pat Tillman?

How did he die?

No googling, please.

Just from your memory, what do you call to mind?

I look forward to your answers.

If you don't know the name, please leave that answer in a comment.

A new post about this to follow.

Guitars Bigger Than The Players

Aren't these children amazing?

Finding Joy No Matter What The Circumstances

A girl dances near plumes of smoke from fires of coal scavenged by her family in the New Colony village in Jharkand, India, on Jan. 7. (Kevin Frayer/Associated Press) #

I can relate to this little girl, finding happiness in dire circumstances, and I feel a bond with her that is hard to explain. It is as if I know her. No matter she is way over in India and I am in Nebraska in the US. She is a little girl and I am an older woman. We are connected.

We are all connected.

Signing Out

For over a week I have been fighting a flu bug. I am taking time off from everything and sleep and read. I will pop back into blogland when I feel better.

Feeling Lonely?

There have been times I have been alone, and I was not lonely.

And while in relationships I felt alone and lonely.

Now I am in a good relationship, and do not feel lonely.

Is the difference my spouse? Perhaps.

Or is my environment making a difference?

Most of my life I worked at a job. The daily grind. Early to rise. Invest most of my energy in a job to get paid to support a family and round and round. It is peaceful and pleasant to live on my own schedule. Without a boss.

But I believe the reason I have been able to overcome depression and dissociation is the hard work in a codependency program and a year and a half of aggressive weekly therapy sessions.

Being able to look at my image in the mirror, being satisfied with who I am, and liking the woman I am now have brought peace to my life. No longer needing to struggle to be what I perceived others expected of me, I have come to understand that having what I want is not selfish. Doing the things I like to do just for myself is healthy.

I wish you a healthy life too. Look in the mirror and give that lovely person a smile.

Panegyric To A Ladybug

Rolly polly spotted
Cute little bug
Adorable creature
I just want to hug

Balancing on my glasses
You're a circus clown
Flying in the air
Walking upside down

You're really an insect
Eating aphids left and right
A short life span for you
Small yes, but so much might

Please return to the garden
To do the work you do best
Interesting that you are a bug
But never thought of as a pest


I wrote this as an apology to a ladybug who was following me around the house and then landed on my reading glasses. I saw a big dot on the glasses so I looked in the mirror and saw the ladybug. Oh, so cute. After awhile I didn't see it so I reached up with my right hand to remove my glasses, the ladybug squirmed and startled me and I dropped my glasses on the floor from a standing position. Oops. The glasses are fine though.

Kids Need Role Models

This photo was on Lola's blog one day. The writing on one window caught my attention. Do you see the window with the words "Kids Need Role Models"?

Having been raised in an unsafe environment, eventually marrying and raising daughters and a son, and now watching my grandchildren and children of their generation, it is clear that children cannot be raised by nannies or latch keys.

A good role model is not synonymous with a saint or a perfect human being. There is no such thing. We are all learning and hopefully we all want to leave a safe and happy place for the children in all the next generations. The beings that are a spark waiting to be born one day deserve at least what it was like when I came into this world. My personal situation was far from ideal, but the world around me was interesting and educational and encouraged my imagination and creativeness.

The area I lived as a child was acres and acres of orange groves. And farms. Lots of animals. I watched how the animals related to each other. Sometimes I think the animals are gentler and kinder to each other than humans.

Keep On Keeping On

The next time you feel down or start to feel depressed:

Put a smile on your face.













Stop and smell the roses.












Break out and live a new life, try new things.













Meditate and Contemplate, not just your navel.












Let your heart soar to new heights.













Keep your eye on your goal.











All photos and graphics courtesy of Desktop Nexus.

Constant Moves Till We Connected

Moving Around looking for each other
Changing relationships so often
Like trying on a new shirt or blouse
Keeping up the search for something
Not knowing what we were seeking
Starting over in different states
With new people each time
New work, new life, still looking
Getting closer in the same state
Just missing each other in one area
The universe devised the perfect plan
Circumstances smoothly engineered
Preparing us for the homecoming
In each others arms.

Graphic found on Google.

The V Day Hot Love

Sometimes something inspires me to write a post; a graphic, a sentence, a memory. A Valentines Day post comes naturally and does not need special assistance from outside influences.

Since I feel the same way each day of the year, the one day set aside in this country for the big Love Fest is pretty much routine for me. That does not mean it is not special; each day is.

Loving someone for me does not mean hanging on so tightly that my lover can barely breathe. It would take so much energy to keep squeezing that the generous kind of love in me would be smothered.

Valentines Day can be a fun day as long as it doesn't set someone up for a letdown like other holidays. Remember when we were kids and how important it was to get some Valentines cards from school mates? I didn't think of it at the time, but how horrible to be a kid who no one gave a card to. I always made my own cards and would customize each card to the recipient's personality. The class clown got a clown card. The brainiac got a gold star and A plus. The shy person got a curtain of material I sewed to the front of the card and when the curtain lifted there was a small mirror.

When I got to high school I did not participate in any extra curricular activities. Partly because I attended four different high schools and did not know that many people. The one thing that I disliked in high school was realizing the encouragement the "in" crowd received from teachers and each other. The popular people never paid attention to the shy people, the misfits, or the geeky people (the reason for the pic in this post). I would wonder if the people wanting to be in the popular crowd were the ones who did not receive Valentine cards when they were younger.

Love is not a romantic head in the clouds Hollywood movie response to the attention we receive from others. Love is genuinely caring and sincerely appreciating the small things between people. A person not in a romantic relationship is still loved. Is still worthy of a gigantic Valentine and a huge heart box of chocolates.

When I say "I love you", believe it. Happy Valentines Day no matter what is going on in your life right now. Do something for someone else, think of others today, pour some sincere love into the world on this Valentines Day, and enjoy when love is returned to you tenfold.

Happy Valentines Day.

The L Word

This is the time of year that the L word is on peoples lips and written about in poetry and heartfelt posts. Since I don't watch TV, I don't know how the L word is thrown around and defamed the way so many things I value are treated on TV.

For me, feeling treasured and cared for are reward enough at this stage of my hippie life. But being understood and accepted for who I am and where I've been and how I got here is the ultimate unconditional love. For most of my life I honestly believed that unconditional love was a fantasy; a bunch of crap. Something of a carrot held in front of people striving for relationships rich in pretentious symbols for all to see. My jaded view was partly due to the environment of my childhood, but it was easy for me to snag onto the sharp stone wall of disenchantment regarding true love.

There, I said it. The L word. Love. Before I met hubby, I rarely said the word except to my children. And I meant it with everything I had within me when I told my children I loved them. I was a tightwad lover, loving only those who were deserving. Once someone hurt me, they were dropped from my love list. Immature? Ignorant? Bad attitude? Yes, yes, yes.

Today I have a broader understanding of love. For me, in my life. Like religion, I don't believe love is something to be preached. It is learned from what we see around us for those with eyes to see. There are many examples of love in all the small kindnesses and respect humans show each other. What we allow into our hearts and minds by watching and absorbing is what we are retaining. We watch enough smut and we live smut. We watch enough goodness and we are able to share goodness. Not the phony hey look at me I am so wonderful and holy pretend goodness. Love is learned through our experiences and subsequent behavior.

As I continue my recovery from codependency, I am learning more about love. Forgiving others has removed the restraints of regret, hate, fear. Forgiving myself is almost a giddy sensation. Who knew freedom felt like this? At last the L word isn't hollow and futile. It is worthwhile, like me.


Note: Picture found on Google.

Keeping Warm, Baby

A drunk man found lying on a frozen park bench in his underwear survived because of the amount of alcohol in his blood.

Aleksander Andrzej, 32, was spotted in the Warsaw park - where the temperature was -5C - and taken to hospital by police, reports Metro.

A breath test showed he had 1,024 micrograms per 100ml, nearly 30 times the legal limit for driving, which doctors say helped him live.

They believe alcohol in his blood acted like anti-freeze - on the other hand it may have played a part in him ending up on a frozen park bench in his underpants.

Doctors say he is lucky to have survived - even 300mg of alcohol per 100ml can be deadly - but he is expected to make a full recovery.

I can't add anything to this. On one hand I am glad the guy survived; on the other hand I hope he doesn't do it again.

Photo found on Google.

These Pens Were Made For Writing, And That's Just What They'll Do

Aren't these beautiful pens? They are handmade, hand turned, with love.

These pens are made from wood in Africa.

My real name is on my pen so I turned it over and sweet hubby substituted TechnoBabe on the photo.

The pen for James has pewter parts and my pen is gold color. And mine is a little smaller to fit my dainty hand.

The man who made them has been married to my foster sister for about 45 years. I was in the wedding party and they have treated me like a blood sister all these years.

This isn't the first gift from them made in his wood shop. One time he made my name out of wood, kept it natural wood, and it was quite large. My name is pretty cool so the wooden plaque looked awesome. There have been many Christmas ornaments and designs and angels too.

I think the pens are for a special occasion for my birthday.

Groundhog Day 2011

Photo courtesy of National Geographic.

The oldest brother married a girl born on Feb 1. Then the second son married a girl born on Feb 3. Then I came along and married the third son. My birthday is Feb 2. You would think this was magical and meant to be. I thought so. Thirteen years and three children later we divorced. Thus began the search for answers. What did I do wrong? Why wasn't I enough? Why wasn't I good enough?

Years later and with the help of a wonderful therapist and a loving husband in my life now, I understand I was asking lame questions. Instead of constantly trying to make myself into someone other people would approve of, I have learned to get to know me. When I began therapy I had not ever looked at myself fully in a mirror. Just enough to put on eyebrows and comb my hair but not really see me.

Today I am happy to say it is my birthday. I like the woman I see in the mirror. The whole package. I do not strive to be someone to please anyone else. I have been learning how to be myself and fit into relationships with truth and dignity.

So hello, little groundhog, you and I have been buddies all these years. Whether you run from your shadow or not, I want to thank you for the additional enjoyment you have provided. Party down, little groundhog. In my own way I will too. Unlike you, there is no more running away for me. No longer am I afraid of my shadow.

Tasty Morsels

A Paul Noth cartoon.

More Funny Stuff

My friends send me some funny material. They don't know it is material for my blog. But, hey, some things are too good to read and throw away. Photo found on Google.

Like this:

In this life I am a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat as much as you possibly can, until you are falling down full. I could do that.

When you're a bear, you birth your children, who are the size of walnuts, while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're momma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could do that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Wow.

Yep, gonna be a bear!

Is Sleep Writing Like Sleep Walking?

Just after I turn out the light at night my tired old brain decides to become active. Creative. One, two, three and more posts get written in record time in the silence of the bedroom. Sometimes I force myself to get up and write a post while it is fresh and flows. But most of the time I tell myself to remember what I just wrote in my head but in the morning I can occasionally call up the subject of the post but that is about all.

Acceptance is a big part of recovery. Therefore, I accept that all the great posts I write just before falling asleep are my best work. I wish I could share them with you. I know you would be delighted with at least most of them. You will just have to take my word for it that I wrote some awesome posts.

Photo found on good ol' Google.

Pleasant Surprise

Hubby grew a beard for awhile at the beginning of winter. The beard came in dark auburn like his hair, whereas his mustache and goatee have been getting lighter for the past couple years.


This week hubby shaved off the beard. The beard was just an experiment. It was a change and to me he looked great.

Two days ago hubby decided to shave off the mustache and goatee. I had never seen him clean shaven. Ever. I didn't know his face looked like that. In a few days he will grow the mustache and goatee back. The biggest surprise for me has been to watch him walking outside doing chores and inside the house with a smile. With the hair on his upper lip and chin, I had no idea that he was smiling all the time.

Cool, huh?

The Bread That Is Delivered

Before we moved to this little town, I scrolled through the archives of the town paper to become familiar with the events in the town in the previous year.

One article of interest was about a woman in a nearby town. She and her husband have a farm in a town smaller than this one. Over the years the woman made bread and gave to friends as gifts. She started a business out of her home making bread to order. She has several varieties to choose from. Her husband delivers the bread. So it is a team business.

After we moved to the new little hippie house in the little town, I tried to find a phone number for the bread lady. In the little phone book here there are surrounding towns represented in the phone book but not the town where the bread lady lives. So I called the office of the local paper and asked if they had a way to contact her. They gave me her phone number that they had in their files.

My first conversation with the bread lady was not only enlightening but lots of fun. She is a wonderful woman. I placed an order for three different types of bread. She and her husband delivered the bread on the scheduled day and hubby and I proceeded to eat her bread.

The oatmeal bread makes the best thick-slice French toast with cinnamon sprinkled on it. The cinnamon raisin bread is the best we have ever tasted. The potato pugliese can be used so many ways and it is amazing. She uses all fresh ingredients, they have chickens and many other items are from their farm. She uses honey and olive oil and fresh butter. Oh my. The day she delivered our three loaves they were freshly baked that morning.

We have since ordered pumpkin/raisin/cranberry/nut bread that will be delivered this week. All those ingredients in one bread. And delivered to the door. The one after that will be sour dough bread.

There are so many extra nice benefits of living in this town. We are discovering and enjoying them as we find them.

Later, with more little town benefits and news.

Note: The photo looks exactly like the bread we ate but we did not take time to get any photos. Oink, oink. This picture was found on Google.

The Little Old Lady I Am Destined To Become

My daughter and I had recently moved to a different state and were just settling in there. Instead of taking our car, I left the car with her sister who lived on campus at university. My son already had a car.

So daughter and I proceeded to find a used car in the new small town in the state we had not lived in previously. Some very nice people pointed us in the direction of a man who sold cars as his father had done before him.

We picked out a car, paid in cash, went on our way. Two days later as were trying to find our way from one town to another town out in the farm areas with no street signs, the engine died. Plenty of gas. No sign of engine heating. That was about all I knew to check for.

Daughter and I got out and walked to where there were houses. We knocked on a door. No answer. Next house. No answer. Next house, an elderly gentleman answered the door, timidly listening to our dilema, but holding the door partly closed. I had no way to call anyone, and this man was not able to help us as he was too old to drive. Actually I remember thinking, thank goodness he would not be out on the streets driving as shaky as he was.

My daughter who was fourteen at the time did her little please help us we are stranded and new to town routine and got the man to let us in to use his phone. As soon as we stepped into the house a woman screamed. "Who are these people and why did you let them in?" Yikes.

He pointed to the phone on a small table and we called the only people we knew who owned a business in town and had to interrupt the scene behind us between husband and wife long enough to be able to tell our friend where we were. She said she would be there as soon as she could. Whew.

Then the man began wiping down the woman's wheel chair, kept rubbing it all over as if in his nervousness at what seemed to be her usual behavior. The woman put her arm on the arm of the wheel chair while he was adjusting things in her chair and talking soothingly and quietly to her and he did not see that her arm was now right where he started rubbing.

The skin on the woman's arm was paper thin. Transparent. Bony wrists. As the cloth moved over the skin on the woman's wrist, the skin rolled back and blood slowly oozed out. Dang.

The woman began simpering and moaning. She scolded the man and asked him why couldn't he watch what he was doing. His eyes behind the coke bottle glasses looked like they would pop out of the sockets. He was in shock. He began wiping at the bloody wrist with the dirty cloth.

My daughter and I looked at each other and silently agreed that we wanted out of there. I quietly thanked them for the use of their phone and she and I walked out the front door and walked a couple houses away to wait for our friend. We don't think the older man and woman even noticed our departure.

My daughter and I talked about that elderly couple many times over the years. It was a touching scene and it felt like we were intruding on something intimate between the husband and wife.

Now that I am in a private and personal relationship and getting up in years it seems natural to see myself with hubby twenty years from now, not driving, helping each other as best we can, in sickness and in health you know, and attending to each others needs, devoted to a cherished and faithful relationship.

Oh yeah, the car? I called the car salesman and told him he had to take the car back and give me a reliable car. He told me that wasn't how it was done, I bought it as is. I told him I would never leave him alone until he made it right. What, I paid a thousand dollars a day for a car and then had no transportation? No way. In the end I got a different and better car.

Note: Illusion graphic found on Google.

How Did We Get To This Place

My heart is sick about the extreme hate and violence in this country today. The past ten years have gotten worse than anything I could have imagined growing up in this country. Growing up in a dysfunctional family was difficult, but there was a patriotism that we learned by example from adults around us. Listening to the adults talking about politics did not seem to cause anger enough to get a gun and shoot someone.

This is a sad time for our country. The news channels that are supposed to be channels of information for the public have for so many years been pushing violence and hatred and have developed following of people being led like sheep.

What happened to the belief that every human being born has rights. God given if you believe in a god. Not one person is worth more than another. I don't agree with lots of politicians and media personalities but I do not want them dead. I do not hate another human being. Nor do I wish anyone harm. There have been some horrible deeds done to me a few times in my life but I still do not hate any of the people responsible for my pain.

How did things get to the place that violence is exciting, and thrilling, and laughed about? Blatant disrespect and threats are tolerated like never before. I feel so sorry for the young people growing into adults in the country today being taught to ignore education and hate Jews and blacks and Mexicans and Muslims. And on and on. That white people are the only ones who are worthy, and the founding fathers didn't mean some of the things they put into the constitution. What is going to happen to this earth we all have share when all the Jews decide to hate all the rest of the people and all the Mexicans hate all others and the Blacks hate and on an on? This type of thinking is putting people back in the days of the first settlers arriving in a country already inhabited by human beings. Settlers who brought egos, hatred, dishonesty, disease, and believed their god wanted them to take what they wanted in the new country. Technology continues to make progress while intelligence and acceptance and humanity are sliding backward.

I am sending this letter to everyone I know. All of us were shocked by 9/11 and it will not go away. But going to the extreme hatred brings us to the place of being just like the people responsible for 9/11; murderers, terrorists, intent on destroying lives and families and cities and a unity in a country. Using 9/11 as an excuse to kill today is worse than ignorant; it is a lie. Grow the hell up and stop acting like ranting, spoiled, bitchy children.

This is a simple little letter and it won't hurt my feelings to be laughed at or ignored. I still have a right to speak out. I am a child of the sixties remember. If we as a people have not learned how to get along since that time, heaven help us.

Will There Ever Really Be Peace?

Did you send Christmas cards this past year? Did you receive holiday cards for whichever holiday you and your family and friends celebrate?

Did you notice how many cards have the word or symbol for PEACE on them?

More than half the cards we received had the word PEACE on them somewhere and/or a dove.
We sent cards with a dove on the front.

Has sending holiday cards become like so much else in life now; words with no meaning, no feeling behind. Insincere. Prayers said over and over so you can think about something else while you pray. Salutations said but not meant. Endearments spoken but not special.

I don't want that in my life.

Is it really possible to eventually have peace in the world or have things gone too far away from sincerity, honesty, honor? I used to believe that one person could indeed make a difference and then reach out to one person at a time. Is that still possible or is it now an impossible dream? We as a people were taught respect for each other when I was growing up, and we were taught to be tolerant of each others beliefs and political affiliations. In my opinion people have lost their voice, their voice of honor, and have allowed others to lead them to a place that they yell "get rid of them" and "reload" aimed at people who don't think as they want them to or do as they want them to do or vote as they want them to vote. The weak and ill people who follow the dissidents are easily led to hatred and violence.

I will never stop believing that we all matter; no one is more important or more worthwhile than anyone else, even if some people think they are.

Happy Birthday, Son

Today is my son's birthday.


He shares his special day with:

Elvis Presley
Soupy Sales
Stephen Hawking
David Bowie
Robby Krieger (guitarist with the Doors)
Bob Eubanks (game show host)
Jose Ferrer (anyone remember him?)
Little Anthony Gourdine (and the Imperials)







Dear Son,

The photos I have kept of you when you were a baby and a toddler are so precious to me. They bring back such wonderful memories. And when you were in elementary school you and I had some times just for us, like the times you and I stayed up later than the rest of our family and watched a scary show together or watched sports that the rest of the family did not care to watch. Watching you overcome your extreme shyness and accept that other children looked up to you, partly for your height and for your gentle nature, was a joy for me as your mom. The way you were so quiet and did not have much to say but when you did say something it was profound.

We live so many miles from each other. 3800 miles between us does not change my love for you and my appreciation of all the caring and considerate things you have done for me through the years. I sympathize with the painful lessons in life you have had to learn; I applaud your success in overcoming traits in yourself you did not care for; I admire your ability to forgive others and absolve them of their cruel intent and I wish you success and happiness in your life.

With much love now and forever,
Mom

Splash

She and her small circle of friends were twelve years old. It was required that every student participate in the church fair in some capacity. She volunteered to sit in the "hot seat" at the dunker tank.

Each pre-teen spent one hour in the "hot seat" and three hours off. The fair was two full days. Two days meant more money collected. A fun way to pass the collection plate.

She was a good swimmer and outgoing, challenging people strolling by the dunker to throw balls at the lever.



She was dunked over and over and there was a queue to throw balls, men and women and children. The dunker was a huge success that year and she had never enjoyed a church fair so much.

There was a picture in the town newspaper highlighting the church fair. She was famous!

Not this photo, this was found on Google. In the photo, she and her friends were throwing darts at a wall of balloons. She had discovered at age six at a small fair in North Dakota that she had a gift: The gift of aim. Every dart broke a balloon and every shot with the water pistol hit the target.

Tell me about when you were at the fair.

I'm Walking; Keep On Walking Onward And Upward

READ THIS POST FROM BOTTOM TO TOP.

IT WON'T MAKE SENSE IF YOU READ FROM TOP TO BOTTOM.

SCROLL UP INSTEAD OF DOWN.

Free at last
Soaring with the eagles
Accepting what I cannot change
Discarding the last of the load
Strength in knowledge of self
Now a challenge but achievable
A few ruts and pebbles
Roads now less rocky
No longer struggling
No longer climbing
Taking big steps easily
Eyes clear, posture erect
Stand tall, big smile
Let everything else go
Keep a few warm and fuzzies
Release more burdens
Reach one goal and keep going
Look up and have goals
Less discomfort
Walking taller now
Let go of more baggage
Four more steps
Take deep, even breaths
Four steps easily
Walking upward is easier now
There, better isn't it
Let go of some if it
You are carrying weight
Ahh, you noticed
Keep moving
Concentrate
Two more steps
Breathe
A second step
One step up

New Year 2011

Enjoy Josh Groban singing You Are Loved.

And you are.

Like a ripple effect, we can help make another person's day a smidgen better. Smile at someone. Everywhere we went yesterday, someone smiled at me. I was so full of smiles and joy when we got home I began to think of how I could share that with others. Via email. Or mail a note. Phone calls are not my thing so much, but I will make a few calls and do some texting today.

The words of the song remind me I am loved. Enough to share.

May we all have a year of love and good health in 2011.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, DEAR BLOGGERS.