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February 10, 2011

The L Word

This is the time of year that the L word is on peoples lips and written about in poetry and heartfelt posts. Since I don't watch TV, I don't know how the L word is thrown around and defamed the way so many things I value are treated on TV.

For me, feeling treasured and cared for are reward enough at this stage of my hippie life. But being understood and accepted for who I am and where I've been and how I got here is the ultimate unconditional love. For most of my life I honestly believed that unconditional love was a fantasy; a bunch of crap. Something of a carrot held in front of people striving for relationships rich in pretentious symbols for all to see. My jaded view was partly due to the environment of my childhood, but it was easy for me to snag onto the sharp stone wall of disenchantment regarding true love.

There, I said it. The L word. Love. Before I met hubby, I rarely said the word except to my children. And I meant it with everything I had within me when I told my children I loved them. I was a tightwad lover, loving only those who were deserving. Once someone hurt me, they were dropped from my love list. Immature? Ignorant? Bad attitude? Yes, yes, yes.

Today I have a broader understanding of love. For me, in my life. Like religion, I don't believe love is something to be preached. It is learned from what we see around us for those with eyes to see. There are many examples of love in all the small kindnesses and respect humans show each other. What we allow into our hearts and minds by watching and absorbing is what we are retaining. We watch enough smut and we live smut. We watch enough goodness and we are able to share goodness. Not the phony hey look at me I am so wonderful and holy pretend goodness. Love is learned through our experiences and subsequent behavior.

As I continue my recovery from codependency, I am learning more about love. Forgiving others has removed the restraints of regret, hate, fear. Forgiving myself is almost a giddy sensation. Who knew freedom felt like this? At last the L word isn't hollow and futile. It is worthwhile, like me.


Note: Picture found on Google.

40 comments:

Rock Chef said...

An excellent post!

I must admit that you are more forgiving than I am, but I don't allow this to interfere with my life. I give unconditional love to those near and dear to me, but not those who have chosen to inflict pain on those I love.

James ® said...

If there ever was a simple proof of a power greater than myself, it would be that this amazing woman wants me in her life.

-hubby

Brian Miller said...

lovely...love is worth while...just like you...love is my fav topic ha. i may yet figure it out one day...smiles.

Cricket said...

indeed, and well said. I will summarize something I learned from my father: love is not something you feel, love is something you do. Sums it up for me.

One of my favorite bits:

The fruit of silence is prayer.
The fruit of prayer is faith.
The fruit of faith is love.
The fruit of love is service.
The fruit of service is peace.

- Mother Teresa

Whether one professes a religion or not, that is the path. There is no other.

Fireblossom said...

"thrown around and defamed"???

The L word, the LOVE word, isn't reserved for heterosexuals.

Jeanie said...

Beautifully said, and James' comment is a wonderul testimony to all you have learned about love.

Lori said...

I love this post more than my words could convey to you. I am so thankful you found the freedom that real love brings. Cheers to both of us embracing love in our lives. XX

DJan said...

Yes, that L word! I remember reading an Emily Dickinson poem years ago that has this line in it: "That love is all there is, Is all we know of love." I've never forgotten it.

Ina in Alaska said...

I am sick and tired of the commercialization of love. And the commercials (which you are not missing anything) are so cloyingly annoying... It is like Love is being shoved down our throats.

Tired of Jared and Jane Seymour's awful necklace. Yuck.

ellen abbott said...

Love is. all we have to do is accept it.

Anne H said...

Live Love Laugh,
Loving Lady!

TALON said...

I think when we truly love ourselves - with all our faults and imperfections - we can truly love others. Beautiful post, TechnoBabe. Love is so much more than chocolates and cinnamon hearts for sure.

Robert the Skeptic said...

Love is a practice, a following I try to indulge in every day.

LL Cool Joe said...

I have a hard time with "normal love" and how Valentine's Day is perceived in society. But then I'm pansexual, so, maybe that's not too surprising.

Mama Zen said...

Forgiving others can be tough. Forgiving yourself is even tougher.

Penelope said...

This is beautiful :)

Gledwood said...

hi Technobabe I have 4 letters for you: MDMA!

hey i just read your other blog the bipolar shaman one

i think you and i have more in common than i first realized

Kulio said...

I love this post - you are such a strong, growing woman - I want to be like you in that way!!

Hilary said...

Beautiful post, TB. I'm so glad for you that you've found yourself at this place.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

<3 :)

Stickup Artist said...

The great thing about love is that it is such an expanding and expansive emotion. Once you learn to love yourself, there is no stopping it. It just grows, gets stronger, and clings to all manner of things.

PS: Every once in a while I am exposed to TV at a friend's or relative's house. Now that I haven't had it for 2 years, it actually comes off as quite freakish.

Beautiful Post! Happy Valentines Day to you two Lovebirds!!

Bernie said...

WOW I love Cricket's poem by Mother Teresa....and I love where you are in your life. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself and oh one feels so free and able to truly love when we let forgiveness seep into our bones......:-)Hugs

Everyday Goddess said...

Very inspiring. I agree with you!

Life with Kaishon said...

Preach on.
I love the L word.
I love that there really is so much good and love in the world. It makes life better.

Margie said...

So nice to be here at your blog again!
Guess it's been a long time.

Beautiful writing!

Kate said...

A great voice to add to the conversation! Thanks!

Casey Freeland said...

Lovely - hey look it's an L word.

Casey

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Beautifully and wisely written.

"I was a tightwad lover, loving only those who were deserving. Once someone hurt me, they were dropped from my love list." I laughed at tightwad and was embarrassed because I recognized myself...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Lovely, so very lovely and true. Your words here make me smile with joy. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

Cinner said...

Beautiful post, I love James comment to you too. unconditional love is everything. I am so happy for you both.

Maggie May said...

The best kind of love is the unconditional sort...... definitely.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Kazzy said...

This is the best-written post of yours I have ever read. You are a fabulous writer. And deserving of L, in all areas of your life.

King of New York Hacks said...

No words..just thoughts...all beautiful pointed in your direction.Love is a taxi ride through the city of life where everyone waves hello...yes, it will be one day. ;)

Shrinky said...

"..snag onto the sharp stone wall of disenchantment..." Wow, you truly have a powerful way of expressing yourself, dear lady!

I also hear exactly what you say. Forgiveness is a choice, and benefits those who give it far more than those who have transgressed them - it's taken me well over half a lifetime to find that one out (and what a relief it was). Unconditional love DOES exist, I've been lucky to receive it, despite how bratty and nasty I often am. I know I am safe, secure and valued - it's such an amazing gift to receive, isn't it?

Fancy said...

This is an interesting post from the heart! And a pleasure to read!!

Thank you for sharing.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hi Techno, This is a perfect example why I love you and your blog-- A wonderful, heart-felt post followed by honest and meaningful comments.

"Tightwad Lover" I can see that as the title to a best-selling "how to" relationship book ;-)

xoxo jj

Mrs4444 said...

Damn, you're good. You should link this up tomorrow.

I think I should chew on your words some more and apply them to the haters on Facebook this week.

Syd said...

Love is a wonderful thing. It has to be tended though and if so, it will just grow.

CherylK said...

You and James rock!

Marla said...

Beautifully written, Techno. And James' comment...well...amazing. I love the way you two are so real and transparent. Way to live outloud!