March 29, 2007

Personal Trainer/Strainer

This was an email being passed around today:

For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a
personal trainer I'll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 31 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary of my progress.

Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Was little late from having to stop twice to pee. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both
pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my
screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the ladies' room. He sent Gretchen to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

I hate that bastard Bruce. Skinny, anemic little cheerleader wannabe. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the
machine with my heating pad. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up watching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband (the CREEP) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

March 27, 2007

Beautiful, Frisky, And A Great Dancer

Watch the entire video, it is well worth it. Have the volume on while you watch.

March 23, 2007

Real Life

I have been surfing blogs for a year and a half now and have enjoyed writing and playing with this blog for six months.

The real pleasure derived from this blog is in the playfulness and creative outlet this blog provides.

There have been several bloggers who have decided to take a hiatus, some for a few days and many for a few months. It is good to hear them write about the need to achieve more balance between their real life and the blogosphere.

The reason I think this is significant is that I too have a real life. I am blessed to be in a solid, stable relationship. I choose to participate in this relationship while I continue to work on my defects.

I am so grateful to read special blogs regularly and be enlightened and entertained and stimulated by their contents. I choose not to blog every day or on a regular basis. Part of the pleasure for me is the spontaneity when I get the creative juices flowing, which happens occasionally but not often.

When I visit the poetry blogs, I wish I could write poetry from the heart, and I love reading the poetry. When I visit the photography blogs, I wish I could use a camera as well as those bloggers do. When I visit the informative blogs, I wish I were a more dedicated writer.

It is enough that I enjoy finding those special blogs and that I receive something from visiting them. It is enough that I am blogging and finding time to write what I am feeling and searching for a graphic or a quote to include in a post. This is a good experience to be enjoyed without pressure or expectations.

It is certainly enough.

March 20, 2007

Cherish Each Moment; Know What is Important To You

One day someone special will be gone.

And on that clear, cold morning,
in the warmth of your bedroom,
you might be struck with
the pain of learning
that sometimes
there isn't any more.

No more hugs,
no more lucky moments to celebrate together,
no more phone calls just to chat,
No more 'just one minute.'

Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away.
never to return before we can say good-bye,
Say 'I Love You.'
¸...¸ __/ /\____
,·´º o`·,/__/ _/\_ //____/\
```)¨(´´´ | | [] | | []| | |[] || |
¸,.-·°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°·-. :º°
So while we have it . it's best we love it . .
And care for it and fix it when it's broken .
and take good care of it when it's sick.

This is true for marriage .. and friendships .

And children with bad report cards;
And dogs with bad hips;
And aging parents and grandparents.
We keep them because they are worth it,
Because we cherish them!
¸....¸ __/ /\____
,·´º o`· ,/__/ _/\_ //____/\
```)¨(´´´ | | [] | | []| | |[] || |
¸,-·°´ ¸,.-·~· ~·-.,¸ `°·-. :º°

Some things we keep --
like a best friend who moved away
or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that
make us happy, No matter what.

¸..¸ __/ /\____
,·´º o`·,/__/ _/\_ //____/\
```)¨(´´´ | | [] | | []| | |[] || |
¸,.-·°´ ¸,.-·~·~·-.,¸ `°·-. :º°

Life is important,
and so are the people we know .

This is an email that I received on the day we attended a memorial for my dear friend's father.

March 18, 2007


Today is the first day
of one day at a time.

There are new things to learn now.
New words, new vocabulary, new methods.
New lessons to be learned.
Healing to be initiated and received.
Every day is important.
Every day is valuable.
The universe is smiling.

The plan is to fill the joy box.
And deal with the sorrows.

March 14, 2007


I use lists for groceries,
chores I need to do,
things I want to remember.

While sitting around one evening,
I started this list,
and it turned out to be fun.

Checking out
Fading out
Wigging out
Asking out
Barfing out
Chewing out
Drowning out
Freaking out
Passing out
Wiping out
Calling out
Pigging out
Dining out
Going out
Pulling out
Coming out
Tripping out
Breaking out
Grossing out
Walking out
Running out
Stalling out
Chickening out
Balancing out
Ordering out
Eating out
Rounding out
Bumming out
Throwing out
Bellowing out
Dumping out
Squeezing out
Farming out
Phasing out
Reaching out
Spreading out
Cashing out
Doling out
Maxing out
Timing out
Weaseling out
Bowing out
Panning out
Bottoming out
Bailing out
Crying out

These words don't have the same meaning when the words stand alone.
But add the word "out" and the phrase is different from the word.
Just thought it was interesting.

March 09, 2007

Can Opener

We have a new toaster. Now we are looking for a new can opener.

March 04, 2007

The Most Worthless Emotion

Someone said the worst emotion is self pity.

I think the worst emotion is fear. When I allow fear to dominate my emotions, I am frozen, cannot move. Operating from fear is worse than not moving forward, it is stepping backward. And guess what I am stepping in when I step backward?

Fear is "real" whether it is fact or imagined. Either way, it is very unpleasant, time consuming, and the things I need working for me have been shut down.

I used to accept the general consensus that there is such a thing as healthy fear. Fear of fire so don't put your hand in the fire. Caution is good; fear is debilitating. If I am not moving forward in harmony with the universe, then I am on auto-pilot to self destruct.

I am a fan of Louisa May Alcott:
"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."

It is time for me to learn to sail.

March 01, 2007

Remember When You Were A Kid..........

Life is an adventure. We have to take chances to find out how it feels.