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March 25, 2011

True Story

A young girl was found wandering the streets in South Korea. It was estimated she was between two and three years of age. It appeared she had been living by her own devices for some time. After extensive investigation and searching, no family could be found. Not one person knew who this little girl was.

An organization from the United States was on hand to help with children like this. It was determined that the little girl would be joining other children on a trip to Hawaii, where families would be found for them. After arriving in Hawaii, legal citizenship and proper birth certificates were obtained for the children. They were now citizens of the US.

Families throughout the US had been waiting for children to adopt. This little girl found her way into the hearts of a family living in California. The family was already going through some changes. Just as the mother and father were starting the adoption proceedings, the ex-wife of the father was killed in a traffic accident on the east coast, so the fifteen year old daughter was now living with father and step mother and their two sons.

There were three siblings for the little girl to spoil her and love her. Since a birthday had been picked at random for her, that became a day to celebrate in the family. So a three year old was accepted and loved and living in a family.

Some bad memories must have lingered in the little girl's mind. As she grew older, she held herself back just enough to let others know she did not need them. By the time she was a teenager, she was focused on her outer looks and withdrew just a little more from family and friends. In fact, she had only one friend and that was not a close friendship. While she was still in high school she talked her parents into paying for breast enhancement surgery. She became addicted to shopping and would only buy brand name clothes. And shoes. Lots and lots of shoes.

The family who adopted her had enough money to satisfy their youngest child's desires. When she began dating, it was clear she was only attracted to young men who would buy her the best and were able to arrange spectacular evenings and then weekend trips showering her with gifts.

The inner resentment was slowly manifesting itself in anger and jealousy. In the first year of college she met a young man who grew to love her deeply. They lived together three years and then married. Her unreal expectations of a fairy tale marriage began eroding at the fiber of her fantasy lifestyle. Her husband made a good living but as time went by his income was unable to keep up with her spending. There were many discussions about money and when would it be enough clothes for her to be satisfied. Apparently there was no end in sight. Because her husband loved her he tried to get her to see a counselor. Then he asked if she would work on their marriage with joint counseling. She refused.

Before they were married, she had shown great enthusiasm for having children and raising a family. Their plan was to begin a family a couple years after she graduated from college. By that time she told him that she wanted a little longer to work on her career which was just taking off.

They were married ten years before she told him she never wanted children. She did not ever want to be a mother. Being around his siblings and their children and her siblings and their children was a chore. She did not like children. She was not comfortable around them.

After two more years there was a divorce. The little girl found wandering decided she wanted to remain wandering. The scars were too deep to heal. In order for her to feel justified with her life decisions, she scorned family closeness and began seeking again the attention she received through her high school years. She opted for another breast augmentation surgery and worked out daily for hours to maintain the perfect, zero fat body.

Note: This image was found on google. I do not have a photo of the girl when she was found.

33 comments:

LL Cool Joe said...

Sometimes adoption works, but sadly, other times, it doesn't.

Brian Miller said...

oh you pluck my heart strings with this one...on some level i can relate with the girl...and i feel compassion for her...

Hilary said...

What a sad story. Sadly with all the love she had, she never healed.

terri said...

So sad. I guess some wounds can't be healed.

DJan said...

I hardly know what to say. I feel sorry for her, but in order to change and grow, you need to want to. I don't hear that in your story, which is very sad indeed.

Jillsy Girl said...

Some deep-seated issues there.

Jeanie said...

Such a tragic story on so many levels. It sounds like even though she survived physically she was never healed emotionally.

Maggie May said...

I suppose early impressions run very deep. That was a very sad story.
At least everyone tried..... it was a pity that the adoption didn't work.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Kristina P. said...

Heartbreaking. Sadly, as someone who as worked in social work, and did State adoptions for years, not all that unique.

Dave King said...

Incredible story.

Bernie said...

So sad, to be so loved yet unable to accept it.....:-)Hugs

Gabriella Moonlight said...

This is the story of so many, adopted or not, it is our lack of self worth and love that leads us down these destructive places...
this was a very powerful post, thank you!

lisleman said...

sounds like an attachment disorder story. very sad for all involved.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

What a tragedy she could never find happiness

Cricket said...

Whoof... there's a cheery little tale. I was waiting for the happy ending until I realized pretty close to the end... it ain't comin'.

Debbie said...

I think we often feel like we can heal any hurt if we can just get to the child. But some damage just goes too deep - even at that tender of an age.

secret agent woman said...

Very sad.

Joanna Jenkins said...

My heart just broke a little. That's so sad.

I hope you are well Techno and Spring is on the way to your new home.

xo jj

Ina in Alaska said...

Wow. What a shame. I feel bad for the family that adopted her. They tried so hard.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

Wow. I don't know what to say.

TALON said...

This makes me think that more often than not, we live what we learn from a young age...

Eileen said...

How sad for some people, that open wounds remain.
I'm heartsick that love and support weren't enough to heal her.
I will keep her in my prayers, that lost, wandering little girl, now a lost, wandering soul.
Love to you,
Eileen

Andrew said...

That is so sad.

Mama Zen said...

That is such a sad story!

Jayne said...

How early in life the sense of self is formed, and without the caring love of family during those crucial first few years, an utter erosion of spirit is bound to occur. Where does one belong? This is a case for intensive therapy -- it's the only way through and out, and I wish it for her. Very touching piece.

Shrinky said...

Was she your husbands first wife?

There is a strong school of thought that the first three years of life are the most formative - if not shown love in these early days, love may always become an alien concept. So sad - for her, and for everyone around her.

gayle said...

This is such a sad story. Sometimes what happens in our childhood never leaves us!

Casey Freeland said...

Was this an acquaintance or someone you read about? Lots of detail so I'm assuming it's personal. Very tragic, but I would say there are many thousands of girls who did not have her beginning but followed or are following the same path. Well-off parents who don't offer structure and do not discipline a child, allowing her to have surgery when she's in high school would probably screw up any child.

Very sad, in any case.

Casey

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Having adopted four children from troubled homes with varying degrees of success -- mostly failure, I'm afraid to say -- I found this story heartbreaking.

Stickup Artist said...

A beautifully written, nonjudgemental account of the arc of the unexamined life. It is a very sad tale but one full of teaching. All healing comes from within and all the love and support from the outside cannot alter that. Life is hard work when the foundations are so shaky.

Ocean Girl said...

A sad story, of everybody. The little girl and those who tried to love her.

Syd said...

Scars that are invisible run deep and sometimes don't heal until we learn to love ourselves. I'm sorry that she didn't know how to do that.

Mrs4444 said...

Attachment disorders...very tough. Sad story. Is it yours?