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March 02, 2011

Feeling Lonely?


There have been times I have been alone, and I was not lonely.

And while in relationships I felt alone and lonely.

Now I am in a good relationship, and do not feel lonely.

Is the difference my spouse? Perhaps.

Or is my environment making a difference?

Most of my life I worked at a job. The daily grind. Early to rise. Invest most of my energy in a job to get paid to support a family and round and round. It is peaceful and pleasant to live on my own schedule. Without a boss.

But I believe the reason I have been able to overcome depression and dissociation is the hard work in a codependency program and a year and a half of aggressive weekly therapy sessions.

Being able to look at my image in the mirror, being satisfied with who I am, and liking the woman I am now have brought peace to my life. No longer needing to struggle to be what I perceived others expected of me, I have come to understand that having what I want is not selfish. Doing the things I like to do just for myself is healthy.

I wish you a healthy life too. Look in the mirror and give that lovely person a smile.

36 comments:

Maggie May said...

That was a very good post.
Yes.... you don't need to be on your own to feel lonely. You can feel that way in a crowd.
Pleased that you have got the upper hand on your feelings! :-)
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Brian Miller said...

smiles. i like this. i went through a period of this a couple months ago...feeling lonely even in the crowd...it was a beast and almost really jacked up my life...

Anne H said...

I tend to get anxious before I take on a big project...
Right now, there's alot of change in my life.
Just expanding the comfort zone a wee little bit at a time! Love your take on things - Great post !

LL Cool Joe said...

I've never felt lonely, I'm not sure why. I do know i don't fit into societal norms, but that has never made me feel lonely, just slightly unique. I have faith in God, so maybe that's why I've never felt alone.

But I do hate looking in the mirror, I don't like what I see at all. I'm glad you do!

May said...

People ask me here whether as an expat, am I bored?? My answer is, no I am lonely. You can overcome boredom with lots of things to do...but how do you overcome loneliness is my question to them.

Jillsy Girl said...

Wonderful sentiments!

Andrew said...

Thank you. I will smile at my image.

Debbie said...

I relish alone time and I am certainly rarely lonely.
I'm glad you are doing so well.

Jeanie said...

A very nice expression of your journey. Enjoy what you have worked so hard to achieve. Being satisfied with who you are is a huge achievement.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

OH YES! Gosh, nice thing to say about a person's own self and the mirror :)

Betty said...

:) What a great attitude. I feel you are at peace with yourself and the people around you. That´s inspiring for me.

DJan said...

You are inspiring me to look in the mirror and appreciate the old broad looking back at me. I mean this in the most positive way possible. She's cool! And so are you, dear TB.

Big Dave T said...

I'm okay looking in a mirror so long as I don't have my reading glasses on. When I put them on and look in the mirror I see every wrinkle and age spot that 50 plus years can bring. But I know I don't look that much different from most others of my generation. So in that regard, I'm not lonely.

Pseudo said...

Perfect post for me to read. I am working the daily grind, trying to help a family member to get to a healthy place, and all the while visualizing and hoping it is just a long and winding road back to the seed at the center of myself.

Silver Strands said...

Very, very good thoughts ... THANK YOU!

Scarlet Blue said...

Good on you!
No longer needing to struggle to be what I perceived others expected of me, I have come to understand that having what I want is not selfish. Doing the things I like to do just for myself is healthy.

This is one of the toughest things to get your head round!
Sx

Stickup Artist said...

I think that disconnected feeling is an indicator that a person is living an unauthentic life that is unsuited to one's true self. Like a wake up call. It's a great deal of work to find your way "home" and hearing of your journey is a great teaching lesson full of gentle reminders.

Kristina P. said...

I wish everyone could find what you have. Escpecially the poor kids I work with.

Mama Zen said...

I'm smiling at you, Techno!

Eileen said...

Great post!
So many times I've felt lonely whether I was alone or in a crowd. It's that loneliness of the heart and soul that can destroy you. Not a nice feeling at all. Hard to work through at times.

I've been reading back here on all I've missed. I know I read the 'Keeping Warm' one and tried to comment but it never took. I had said it reminded me of how my Mom always said "God takes care of drunks and fools". And my Mom always insisted that my grandfather (her Dad) was NOT an alcoholic, he was 'just a drunk'! And she many, many similar stories about him such as you posted!

I agree with your 'Love' post, very insightful. And your 'Connected' post too.
And I believe that Ray was thrown into my path because I never in a million years would have chosen this man, he just 'wasn't my type'. I can take no credit for choosing wisely, he was a Gift from Heaven.

And I agree with your sentiments about kids and role models, and I feel so sad for latch-key kids, or children shuffled from nanny to nanny and daycare to daycare. I think for too many of us, our wants have become our needs. And our children suffer.

The Ladybug Ode was sweet, and I love ladybugs! And so do my grandchildren!

Nice catching up here with you.
All the best,
Eileen

Hilary said...

You do inspire. I hope you always feel this way.

blueviolet said...

We can all find this, and you give us such hope for that. :)

TALON said...

It's a real gift to enjoy your own company. And to look in the mirror and really appreciate the person looking back, is truly lovely.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

As someone who used to feel like that often, I can say, my feeling is your spouse is a major cause of your not feeling lonely any longer. I know mine has done that for me

Eddie Bluelights said...

I looked in the mirror and it cracked!! LOL
No seriously I loved the wisdom of your post.
We have to learn to respect ourselves just as much as others and we all have a tremendously high value and a lot to offer.
I agree that sometimes we can feel lonely even amongst family and sometimes we can be alone and not feel lonely - it all depends on many factors.
Eddie

CherylK said...

This is a great post! I think you've "mirrored" the thoughts of many of us. Me, anyway.

I'm going to try to remember to smile at myself in the mirror from now on.

lisleman said...

we all have different lives but share some common problems. Thanks for sharing some wisdom from your life with us.
all the best

terri said...

I've been in some of those places you mentioned ... alone but not lonely, surrounded by others but lonely... funny how sometimes it feels okay to be alone and sometimes it doesn't.

I'm glad you've found a place of peace in your life. You've earned it.

Rock Chef said...

I like this - it is good to be friends with the reflection in the mirror!

Dave King said...

Good advice, though I do look in the mirror and smile - well, I'm too polite too laugh!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Many smiles back atcha, Babe! There is hope for all of us if we summon our courage and make the kind of life we really want.

Syd said...

Looking in the mirror and liking who I see is something that I can do now. I am reasonably happy--some days ecstatically so and other days moderately so. I am much happier now that I am not on schedule.

secret agent woman said...

I'd far rather be alone than lonely with someone.

Shrinky said...

You have strived hard for your peace of mind, and it seems to me you have truly earned it, my friend. The pressures of financial success often comes at too high a price, I too don't miss that life, yet there is always a cost still to meet when you turn your back on that. Overall, it appears you have reached a good balance where you are, something which is priceless!

Marla said...

Beautiful post. You are so right. We are never alone once we learn to love the person living in our skin.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

This touched me in many ways, which probably won't come as a surprise to you. Your healing is inspirational. To me, and others.