I can only speak for myself.
The times that I would be present
in the moment and in sync with
the universe, were special times.
They didn't last long though.
But the memory of them lasted
Each time it happened, I would seek change or ideas or suggestions of what to do outside myself, with no idea that things needed to change within. It would be funny except it was not funny at all. I was a miserable human being, depressed and playing parts to fit in with those people around me.
Now I understand the dissociation was learned behavior in early childhood. It had become so normal for me that I did not know what I was seeking was clearly within my grasp. I was no longer a child trying to survive; the tools I learned then were getting in my way as an adult. It was a disorder getting in the way of living a full and healthy life.
I learned to face the truths, forgive the past, realize when I would "disappear", and gradually spend more time in the present. The past few years have been a discovery beyond my dream, the life I wanted is better than the glimpses I had here and there. This has nothing to do with anyone else; my stability and health are not dependent on husband or family or friends. It is something I have worked hard to learn and incorporate into my being. The stripes that needed changing in my case were on the inside. It is the icing on the cake so to speak that my hubby and I have chosen to improve our relationship as we each worked with counselors individually. Life isn't a fantasy; it is real and sometimes scary and difficult. For me now, though, I choose to be in the moment, dealing with unpleasant things as they occur, changing what I can to make things more palatable, accepting the things I cannot change. Sounds familiar, right? Reading it or hearing other people say it is different from voicing the Serenity Prayer from my heart. It is not just some words to repeat over and over; the Serenity Prayer has helped change my life from stripes to polka dots of peace.