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March 14, 2010

Some Things A Mother Will Never Know

She was in the first grade. Her brother was in the second grade. The brother and sister had been dropped in front of the convent next to their school in the still dark of the early morning. Their mother drove from the country where they lived to the city, dropped them off, and returned to the country to work.

The brother pushed the bell at the front door and after the usual wait the nun opened the door and ushered the children to the front parlor, leaving them with the usual "Don't touch anything" admonition.

Looking around the parlor, both children were overcome with reverence of richness. The nuns much be rich to live in such luxury. They had never seen such deep piled oriental carpets or richly polished furniture and sparkling shiny class doors on cabinets.

Taking a seat next to each other on the settee, they folded their hands so they would remember "not to touch anything".

They were aware of not being good enough to be in that room and what a privilege it was to be admitted to the inner sanctum of the convent.

The agreement was that the mother would be allowed to leave the children in the early mornings and they would have a place to wait until it was time for school to begin. So five days a week this was where they sat in quiet hushed whispers and "not touching anything".

One morning the two hour wait was beginning to cause the little girl to squirm. "I have to pee really bad" she told her brother. "Shhh", he said, "remember we "can't touch anything". The squirming turned into one leg crossing over the other and trying to hold it. It wouldn't do any good to knock on the door that the nun locked on her way out.

Finally, a decision made, she got down off the settee, walked determinedly to where the corner of the beautiful thick piled mauve oriental rug left an edge of shiny wood plank floor. She bent over, lifted up the heavy corner of the thick piled rug, pulled down her panties and peed on the floor. After setting the corner of the rug back down, she returned to the settee. Her brother looked like he wasn't even breathing. Fear was written all over his face. She smiled. She hadn't really "touched anything", just the edge of the corner of the thick piled carpet. She realized the smile was becoming a laugh from somewhere way deep inside her, but they weren't supposed to make any noise, so she held the laugh in check. She knew she had a very long time to laugh about this. So today is one of those times.

52 comments:

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Oh, my goodness, I'm laughing too, with hand clapped over my mouth so I won't make any noise either.

Were there repercussions? There must have been. I am as appalled by the cruelty of the nuns as I am thrilled by the creativity and indomitable spirit of the little girl, whoever she is. :) What a wonderful, terrible, incomparable story!

Brian Miller said...

oh my...lol. hurray for her!

Jeanie said...

And still enjoying a well deserved laugh to this day.....

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

YAY! LOVE it! Poor little thing, glad she got some vengeance!! Thanks for the smile!

Eternally Distracted said...

That is absolutely hilarious and a warning to me to NEVER EVER tell a child to not touch anything!!

Yousei Hime said...

Lol. After all the recent priest scandal, I thought this post would be tragic. Glad I was wrong. Delightful story.

Betty said...

Is this true? Funny!

Realliveman said...

Funny!

Good for her!

DJan said...

Now that was cruel, to leave those kids locked in that room. Very smart thinking on her part, to my mind. Great story! I'll bet they wondered amount that smell for years...

Ina in Alaska said...

Those women did not offer even a bowl of cereal so they sure got a bowel full!! HA!

Just Breathe said...

Awesome read! Can't even imagine...

gayle said...

omg I can imagine!!! I went to Catholic school!! So funny!!

♥ Braja said...

Oh, perrrrfect :)))

Margie said...

Oh my!
I loved it!
Thanks for shaing my dear!

Margie :)

Enchanted Oak said...

Oh, my gosh! What a memory! Adults can be so dumb.

Spencer L Casey said...

"Sister Mary, have you noticed a particular odor in the settee?"

"You mean like Father Flannigan's aftershave?"

"Well that too, but this has a certain tang to it. Reminds me of my mother's cooking."

"One of God's great mysteries, Sister Ruth. Ours is not to question His will."

"Right, but I think that little heathen peed in the corner again."

Ronda Laveen said...

Well, after all it was her territory for two hours in the morning.

Kulio said...

Classic!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I wonder if the little girl knows how this story touched my heart.

Hugs!!

Kathy M. said...

Oh the irony. I love it! What a brave little girl. Hugs to her and to you.

Cheryl said...

Good for the little girl!

lisleman said...

has your brother read this yet?

terri said...

Love it! That is a great story!

Unknown Mami said...

OMG!!! Great story.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Techno.... That is absolutely priceless. I know someone who was raised in a convent and will laugh her head off when she reads this!

I'm laughing too!

Have a good week and keep laughing!
xo

Hilary said...

LOL.. you go.. in more ways than one. ;)

LadyFi said...

OH my! What a story.. I can just imagine the dilemma... and also the laughter that you can dip into your whole life long. Thanks for sharing.

J said...

Oh my! What a brave child she was…but the nuns surely deserved this and more. Children need love and care not admonishments if they are to grow up right.

Shadow said...

heee heee heeee, and neither should they....

Dave King said...

Wonderful! I hope you keep laughing at it for m any years to come. N ever let that one slip away!

Julie said...

This one made me laugh out loud, then I felt guilty for laughing...haha! I love how you set the scene so well. I can feel the room as a kid would feel it. Great details.

It also makes me think about all the things my mother doesn't know I did. She'd be mortified! And I imagine my daughter has many secrets, too. Sometimes, it's better to not know:)

Syd said...

I remember being told not to touch things too. Thankfully, I never peed on the floor or in a corner of the room. I feel sorry for the little girl in such discomfort not asking for what she needed.

Mama Zen said...

I'm laughing, too!

Maggie said...

That is hilarious!

Ms Hen said...

LOL. :)

Far Side of Fifty said...

Great story..two hours is way to long of a time to wait..serves them right that the little girl peed in the corner! :)

Owen said...

The little girl in question wouldn't be you by any chance ?

Anyway, with all the awful things that seem to be going on in some churches these days, as documented in the press recently, it's good to know that some children, at least this one, got revenge...

Eileen said...

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read!
Hysterical!
I went to Catholic school, I'm glad for it, but I got hit more times than I can remember! If you didn't sit in perfect silence and at-attention, you got a swat from the nun on guard!
Thanks for the laugh!
All the best,
Eileen

Suldog said...

Oh, man, you didn't! Will you tell us, did the nuns discover the extra-liquid nature of the carpet, or were they none the wiser ever after?

blueviolet said...

Was it you? Excellent!!!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Oh I love it! Was it you??! :)

secret agent woman said...

ha ha! Aren't you tempted to tell your mother now?

slommler said...

I am still laughing! Fabulous story and so what kids would do!!
Thanks!
And congrats on the POTW
Hugs
SueAnn

Land of shimp said...

Congratulations on the post of the week mention over at Hilary's :-) Okay, I'm going to admit that I didn't laugh, but only because my first thought was," Oh man, she got busted, wool and urine? It would reek to high heaven."

Evidently I was being too practical to have any fun.

Cricket said...

Brilliant. Those thick carpets must be pretty absorbent, after all. Congratulations on the potw.

Daryl said...

Adding another brilliant to the comments!
Congrats on POTW mention from Hilary

Joanna Jenkins said...

PS Congratulations on your Post of the Week from Hilary! Well deserved.

xo

She Writes said...

Fabulous write! Here from POTW.

deb said...

sad and funny and aggravating.

and now I see you've also won POTW, so it's a bonus!
Congratulations, and hugs to the little girl.

Hilary said...

when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
Great story, fab ending.
Love it.

blunoz said...

Great story! Congrats on Post of the Week!

Gappy said...

I actually read this post without commenting a couple of days ago, but it has stuck in my head, so I have come back to say how much I loved it.

One little act of defiance, but somehow it says so much.