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March 12, 2010

This Could Happen To You Too

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the summer looking for my thighs.

Then the thieves struck again. My rear end was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new rear end was attached at least three inches lower than my original!

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. This was really scary, my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my neck disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, and hair migrated from the head to the chin and upper lip, I decided to tell everyone my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those plastic surgeons are using real replacement body parts--stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something "lifted", look again--was it lifted from you?

Last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband!!!

Note: This was in an article in a newspaper in a little New York town but the person who sent it cut all the newspaper information off. So I don't know who to credit this to but it is not me. Also, the cartoon is Gibson. Just throwing some more humor into the mix.

"Laughter is an instant vacation." ~Milton Berle

Hope you had a mini vacation when you visited this little hippie blog today!

42 comments:

J said...

It’s sad but true that these physical changes are inevitable as we age. Though I am not old in any sense of the word I have started to nevertheless notice some changes in me that DO NOT make me happy.
That was a really funny post btw!

Rock Chef said...

I'm glad to hear that this wasn't you talking! I love the idea that whole parts get replaced in the night! Must watch out for this, but right now my wife says I am in better shape now than I was in my 20s! She is lying, but I still like it!

Brian Miller said...

hahaha. invasion of the body snatchers!

Yousei Hime said...

All to reminiscent of my last few years. Hilarious. Glad you like the frog haiku. It is finally feeling and looking like spring here. Most of my grass has lost its snow blanket and temps hit 60 yesterday. It felt awesome. I even saw some daffodil shoots coming up.

Dave King said...

With me they don't touch the outsides, they just suck out whatever it was that made it all work on the inside. Well, that's not absolutely true, they've nibbled at the outsides.

Shadow said...

this is deightful. now, is somebody doing something to catch these damn thieves????

Betty said...

LOL! So true, those body thieves were here too!

Kulio said...

hahaha!

DJan said...

Yes, I had a laugh (with a little bit of irony) at your little hippie blog this morning. Whoever thought this up must be around my age...

Jeanie said...

Those body thieves have for sure been very busy.....they turned me from a 36 B to a 36 long.

willow said...

Those SAME theives have hit Willow Manor.

Ina in Alaska said...

Oh well..... age happens to everyone.... I got over myself long ago.. xoxo Happy Weekend dear lovely friend xoxo

Margie said...

Yes, my dear, I did have a little nini vacation at your lovely little hippie blog.
Thanks for the early morning laugh!
Now, I'm ready to start my day with a big SMILE :)
That was soooooo funny!

Have a wonderful weekend dear friend!

Margie :)
xx

Lola Sharp said...

This is... SO not freakin' funny!
Well, yes, it is funny. A laugh riot.
Except that I hit 40 this year.
I haven't come to terms with the fact that I still feel like I'm 28, but I just don't LOOK like it.

I just don't look as good in my G-string as I once did.

But the day a hair grows from my chin?! Dude, it's gonna get all kinds of bad up in here.

Make it a great weekend!:o)
Love,
Lola

Enchanted Oak said...

Other people lose stuff and my body finds it. My current body is like one of the pellets we used to drop in a dish of water and watch it grow larger ever day. Sigh. Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be laughing...Ha!

beth said...

there are a few other body parts I could add to that story :)

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Same thing happened to me. The turkey neck is the best!
;)

Hugs!!

Kristina P. said...

Yes! I would say this is definitely true for my insides. I have the bowels of an 80 year-old woman!

Big Dave T said...

So it happens when you sleep, eh. I need to get a guard dog.

secret agent woman said...

I guess the writer should have done a through search of the house for the pod growing her new body parts.

Syd said...

I think that gravity always wins.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hahahahahhahaha! I hear ya! My lips were stolen too :-)

This totally cracked me as I've felt the very same so many time lately. It's good to laugh about it a little.

Okay, I laughed a lot! THANKS,

XO

Just Breathe said...

Could be my story! Thanks for sharing it, very funny.

lisleman said...

Brian Miller above share the same idea - body snatchers
On a slightly related subject - replacement parts - knees, hips,
I heard someone say "he/she didn't get their ---- replaced yet" When did THEY come out with a maintenance schedule for body replacements???

Jessie said...

you know, i had the same *amn experience!!! lol
this is one of those tidbits that no matter how many times you read it, you enjoy it.

you're right on the pebble and leaf -- i'm a little of both, but then it usually depends on my mood!

have a great weekend!

smiles,

Ronda Laveen said...

I'm keepin' my kegs crossed in case they try to snatch my sn@tch. Itks they only part I have left that's mine. Very funny post.

otin said...

Hiding in your armpits while you slept!!! I just spit out my diet root beer! LOL

Dan said...

If you catch them, let me know. I'm sure they are the same people who stole all my black hair and left this thin gray stuff.

Shadowthorne said...

:) we got older, yes.

jill said...

i have seen this before, but no matter, it's still as hilarious second time round! :-)

LadyFi said...

Very funny! And thank goodness you have alerted us to this danger... ;-)

Shrinky said...

Oh, never a truer word than that said in jest, eh? Sighhhhh..

Thanks for the laugh!

gayle said...

I wish they would stop messin with me!

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Oh, this is fun! It looks like something Erma Bombeck would've written! Thanks for the "mini-vacation!' I needed that!

Unknown Mami said...

I didn't look in the mirror for a week and the next time I looked my temples had gone gray. Honestly!

jozien said...

I am having a mini-vacation!
First because i do have dreamlike visions like that, mostly for me things do return to normal. And for stolen bodyparts; 19 years ago my dear boobs, i now finally love the replacements.

Fancy said...

What a night! Thanks for the laugh, Technobabe.
Have a great weekend!!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I LOVE it! Not the fact of it, but the telling of it. Thank you for a great laugh, much needed by those of us who are having our best parts lifted while we sleep.

Kathy M. said...

I've read this before. I think it was one of those things that get passed around via e-mail. I could relate to it then, and I can relate even more to it now. lol I always get a mini-vacation when I visit your little hippie blog. Thanks for the lift.

Cheryl said...

Oh I loved this! What a chuckle the article brought. I have got to remind the dog that he is supposed to be on duty while I sleep, because the same people have been coming into my room at night as well and changing my parts around! Thank you for the smile.

blueviolet said...

I hate that there's so much truth in that! It's not fair!!! And I also feel as if men should suffer this same plight of women.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I love it - I got it via an email once and enjoyed reading it again! :)