July 13, 2009

It Should Be Harder To Get Married and Also Harder To Get Divorced

This article in BBC News brought back some memories for me when I was going through a divorce. I was much younger then with three children to raise. I remember telling my soon to be ex-husband that there should be laws strictly enforced making it mandatory for couples wanting to get married to attend prenuptial classes, and also that the weddings could not be for another 6 months after completing the classes. The mandatory classes need to be based on reality, with both parties participating completely. The classes should bring out the honesty and open the eyes of each person to see how they each believe and how they would act in a crisis or how they respect each others individuality. So many people have grown up seeing "love" on TV and in movies, that in some cases that is the only example they have. They are not getting an example of honest hard working loving mature adults at home so they fantasize about Mr or Mrs Right making them tingle all over and taking care of them and all their desires for ever and ever. They are not able to see a clear picture of their part in a real relationship; therefore, they are not prepared for a lasting marriage and they do not understand when the fantasy falls apart.

On the flip side, if a couple is talking about divorce, they have to attend classes and arbitration for a mandatory period of time and if they still want a divorce, they would each have to see a therapist for at least 6 months before legal proceedings could be instituted.

In the BBC News article:
"Couples should have a compulsory three-month "cooling off" period before they can start divorce proceedings, a Conservative think tank will recommend."
"A report commissioned by ex-Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith will also propose a network of family relationship centres to advise before and during marriage.

Maybe someday there will be something like this in the US.


Jeni said...

Having been down that road, with three children ages 4 to 12 to raise alone, I agree completely with both theories you presented here. In addition to that, I think there should also be more regulation given to the administration of child support too!

TechnoBabe said...

Good suggestion, Jeni. Divorce is hardest on the children. Usually their lifestyle is changed drastically and eventually their father doesn't have time for them anymore. The cycle of poor examples of healthy relationships continues.

Johnnny said...

Thanks for the caption on my peas picture! I supposed one caption could be about the princess who felt a pea under her mattress. I like your website(s). One is called Twin Souls. My wife and I are both geminis and our home is called Twin Peaks. More later, Johnnny

bermudabluez said...

Been there - done that too! I also agree with your theories...and with Jeni's comment on child support regulation.

Dafthermit said...

Wonderful post Harriet,

In this modern world off quick quick people forget that sometimes the tough times are what bring you closer together

i have been married for over 10 years now and we have had our troubles but when we sit in our wee bus in the highlands we are so happy that we got through the tough times and are just enjoying being with each another and are truly friends

happy travels the dafthermit


aye mel knits sews all her own stufff

and thanks for the wish on my wee blog

TechnoBabe said...

Johnny, you and your wife must live in a loving home. Have you written a post on your blog about Twin Peaks?

bermudabluez, you always have such a nice smile. Thanks for the comment.

Dafthermit, your life on the wee bus is fascinating to my hubby and me. Your photos and the way you show them are awesome. Give Mel a hug for me.

Dafthermit said...

Hi Harriet,

so glad you are both enjoying our wee wanders in our bus and my pictures

just off so i will pass on the hug to mel

love and peace nthe Dafthermit

ps you might like to see my wee films on you tube just type in dafthermit ,hope you enjoy them

Big Dave T said...

What is it they say--women marry men hoping they will change and men marry women hoping they won't. Usually, both are disappointed. Marriage evolves over time just as people do. It takes the right stuff to be able to roll with the punches.

Hilary said...

Marriage is such an eye-opener.. sadly, so is divorce. You have reasonable ideas here. :)