July 22, 2009
Wearing My Big Girl Panties
As I worked through things this past year, I realized that in many ways I did not want to grow up. Maybe because the people in my life who were supposedly grown up, were not mature and healthy. So the adults surrounding me were poor examples of what I should want to strive for.
Small habits of mine became objects of closer attention. Until a year ago, I would only eat with a salad fork because it was smaller and more comfortable for me. Same for coffee cups. Petite cutesy cups were my choice. And shoes. Comfy, cutesy was what caught my eye, not sophisticated or business and certainly not sexy. Pink is my favorite color to wear, all shades of pink. So it was inevitable that I wore white comfy tennies with big pink and white checked shoelaces when hubby and I got married two years ago.
These days I choose a regular dinner fork and am comfortable eating with it. In fact, I noticed yesterday as I used a salad fork because there were no more clean dinner forks, that it felt weird to use such a small fork!! I have come a long way, baby.
I know it sounds absurd to be speaking of growing up for someone of my age. I raised three (wonderful, healthy, no help from me) kids and held down stressful jobs and whizzed in and out of different relationships and moved around from place to place.
But when my panties got in a bunch, there was nothing else for me to do but straighten them out and in doing that, my life is becoming smoother. Not smooth sailing, but at least smoother. And I am continuing to work out the creases to a proper fit.