August 10, 2009

Is Your Love Tank Full?

My husband's therapist suggested my husband read a book titled "The Five Love Languages". So hubby located the book online and ordered it. When the book was delivered a few days later, hubby read the book. He left it on the coffee table and one day I said "Maybe I'll read this Luuuuuv Book", and hubby's eyes sparkled as he said "Okay".

Well, I flew through that book. And I learned so much about hubby and what he would like in a relationship. I also learned what I want which is something I had not been able to articulate or imagine accurately.

The great thing about this book is it is NOT a book about me (the reader). In the past I had read some books on relationships with the slant on what do I get out of this, or what is he doing wrong, or why can't he read my mind. But this book helped me to see things from my husband's perspective. I began to see more clearly how he was raised in a house with little hugging and closeness. I am a mother and I raised three kids so I understand how three people being raised in the same house can get different signals and can feel differently about their upbringing. My husband has a brother and a younger sister. But what I was learning as I read was what it was like for my husband, how he truly felt as a boy, and how important hugging, holding, touching is to him. Reading about filling his love tank meant more to me than devouring the book to find out how I can get my love tank filled. That was a total eye opener for me to care more about him than about me.

What did I discover is the thing that fills my love tank? Quality time. And quality time is just that: Time shared with the person you love, caring, eye contact, talking, laughing, crying, walking, biking, or whatever the activity. No cell phone interruptions. No eyes rolling or shrugs. No hint of impatience. Just devoted time to be with the person you care for. It may be ten minutes or an hour. But it is genuine and given freely and happily.

Is my love tank full? At least it's not empty and sometimes it gets close to maximum.


Liam said...

I just can't imagine finding answers about my relationship in a book.

cinner said...

very interesting, I think I will go and get the book. Thanks.

Brian Miller said...

great book. i think you captured it well in that it is about discovering what makes the other person feel loved and in return you find your tank is full.

Spencer L Casey said...

I love the analogy of a love tank. Leslie and I spend many many hours a week just she and I talking, no TV, no phone, hopefully no guests. Course I have to give up sleep for this, but it is well worth it. :)



ellen abbott said...

Interesting post, and your blog too.

Thanks for visiting mine today.

Margie said...

Such a interesting post!
I loved what you said about quality time...that is the key!
Every night my huuby & I take a walk together & it's a very special time that we share with one another!

I do believe I will have to read the book!
Thank you!

Anonymous said...

It is a really great book and an interesting way of thinking about how we imagine we show our love versus what our partner needs from us in order to feel our love.

I wanted to thank you too for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment and you are quite right, I was very lucky that I had a place to go instead of the street. I am grateful also that my step-mother made it a loving place too rather than just a place of physical refuge.

Sunshine said...

very cool.. really enjoy reading it and thought wow what a interesting point of view that book can represent on love and relationship. I am glad that you found out a lot about your hubby.


Shadowthorne said...

.... I have no love tank. Does that mean I can be insatiable?

Maybe yes.