Pages

February 07, 2010

Love Is...

Love begins within me. If I am healthy and loving toward myself and satisfied in my own skin, I am able to love and be loved in a relationship.

Being in a relationship, in my case a marriage, requires me to take the blinders off and be in reality. Being married isn't waltzing around the house in heels and a French maid costume waiting to surprise hubby as he walks in the door! What if he has a cold? What if he is feeling "ouchy" with me? What if he is tired? Sometimes I am these things and more. Is it the end of the relationship if I don't get the response I want when I want it?

Acceptance and forgiveness are acting with love toward the one I love. Learning when to speak up and when it would be better to talk later. A gentle touch on the arm or cheek as I walk past my husband several times a day is connecting throughout the day in ways that don't need words. My husband will pat my butt when I fix dinner or reach for my hand at the dinner table. For me this is true intimacy.

Finding that place somewhere in the middle where I'm not slipping on wet rocks on a cliff and not laying on the couch with headphones eating bon bons is what working on love is really about. That middle place of caring about my husband so much that I can feel his pain when he hurts. But knowing he is an individual with rights and needs of his own, as do I, keeps me out of his business. I don't spout unsolicited advice. I realize I am not the know all and be all in his life. Trusting him to be an honorable man and knowing he is doing the best he can is also freedom for me.

For me love is a big circle. Holding hands to form the circle are humor, dignity, kindness, forgiveness, laughter, intimacy, surprises, encouragement, sensuality, honesty, non judgmental and no expectations.

Love is something so precious and joyous I want to celebrate it every day, not put one day aside a year to remember the fun of love.

Note: Yorksnbeans at Elemental My Dear is collecting posts on what we think love is.
Timely and fun, don't you think? Go read her post and write a post on Love!

38 comments:

Just Breathe said...

It's a beautiful post on love. I sometimes find it hard to hold hands in that circle but I try.
(it's memopause!)

Ms Hen said...

Beautiful.. So Real !!!

Someone in al-anon.. a 70 year old woman who husband died awhile back.

Said her relationship with him was one of Interdependency. (meaning they were both individuals but and independent humans.. but bonded too in a healthy intimate manner).

I like to think of what I learn in science classes decades ago.

Symbiotic Relationship where each is doing something for the other..

And not a Parasitic Relationship where one lives off another ..

Symbiotic sounds like Interdependent.. sounds like a healthy emotional relationship.. what I'm looking for..

this was beautiful. Your husband is truly blessed to have a wife like you...

Jeanie said...

Beautiful and heartfelt. "Love Is" encompasses so much. You did so well putting in your own personal perspective.

DJan said...

I do so agree. We both met our husbands in what used to be an unconventional way: on the internet. And we needed to find a way to love each other in the fullness of our beings. Sounds like you are doing just that, as am I. A passing touch or a smile is really true intimacy.

Spencer L Casey said...

This is a spectacular post. The way you personified the actions and attitudes at the end, holding hands, was brilliant. I love it. And I also love the way you approach your relationship with your man. It's wonderful.

Cheers,

SLC

jozien said...

Yes!!!

yorksnbeans said...

This is absolutely lovely and beautifully said! I agree with you 100%. Glad to meet you Technobabe, I'll be sure to come back. And thanks for joining in!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Very beautiful post! Love is many things. Compromise and forgiveness are at the top of my list.

BTW, I have an award for you at my blog because I love your blog.

Hugs!!

blueviolet said...

What a beautiful expression of what love is to you. I'm glad you and your husband have it figured out.

Brian Miller said...

beautiful post...love is one of my favorite subjects...like the idea it is a circle as well. relationships are not always roses, but they still remain if love does.

Ronda Laveen said...

Very timely and fun. I love the pat on the butt too! You have a great perspective on your lover and your relationship.

Unknown Mami said...

Sounds like you know what you are talking about.

gayle said...

Very well put!! Words of wisdom!!

Margie said...

How beautiful, TechoBabe!
You got it so right!
I loved this post and your writing made my heart smile:)
Thank you!

Margie

Akannie said...

Someone once said...."Having a good marriage is not about finding the right person...it's about BEING the right person."

We are a bunch of lucky ducks...

cinner said...

Beautiful, you are both blessed to have found true love. May you always feel the love you wrote about today. Have a great week.

Tracie said...

That is beautiful. Esp. your circle of love.

Have a great week!

Far Side of Fifty said...

Well said! We celebrate it everyday also..life is good when you get to spend your days with your soulmate:)

Jeni said...

Great way to say it!

Lou said...

Love evolves, but it has to have a strong core. This was very nice, I enjoy your writing, especially this type.

If I understand correctly, we can do a photo also. I may do that!

Laura said...

This is a lovely statement about what love is in relationships. I came through Elemental.. my dear.

beth said...

love really is everything, isn't it ?
especially when you're married.....
the good, the bad and the ugly I always say....

Julie said...

What you have written about love rings so true. It is real. Love isn't about violins and candy. It's so much deeper than Valentine's Day or anniversaries. It's the day-to-day interactions that mean so much. It is made up of many small moments. Thanks for another great post!

Eternally Distracted said...

I am seeing so many sides to you and your blog... Great posts recently. Truly.

Suldog said...

"Being married isn't waltzing around the house in heels and a French maid costume waiting to surprise hubby as he walks in the door!"

It isn't? Damn. Don't tell MY WIFE.

Just kidding, of course. You have it perfectly correct. Perfectly!

Syd said...

Nice post about what love is. And it does begin with my loving myself before I understand how to love others.

Maggie said...

That was very beautiful. :) It must be great to be able to share all of that with that someone special.

I hope I someday find someone who truly cherishes me because the people I have gone out with are not honest, and are not willing to share their views, feelings and ideas with me. The people I have gone with don't share what they feel how they feel or anything. I mean I understand sometimes we want to be left alone but all the time?

Thank you for sharing your idea of what love is! I loved it!!! :)

Kathy M. said...

I love this post on Love. Your husband is a lucky man!

Ina in Alaska said...

Ouchy... LOVE IT! Fits me to a "T". I have felt ouchy for a couple of years (Menopause is long over), or maybe I am just tired of winter..... xoxoxo

Lynn said...

via: Elemental My Dear
yes i believe that you can't have true love without intimacy but you can have intamacy without true love but who want's that?alevi

LadyFi said...

Your husband is lucky.. very lucky .. and so are you!

Cherish that love!

Cheryl said...

Oh so beautiful. How lucky you both are. P.S. Thanks for coming by and leaving delightful comments!

terri said...

Wish that we could all have such a realistic and heartfelt view of what real love should be!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Fantastic post Techno. Very well said.

As I was reading this I was thinking this is perfect for Elemental My Dear's "Love Is Challenge". So glad you joined in.

Hope your week is going well.

jj

Enchanted Oak said...

I could relate to your discussion of love, forgiveness, compassion, patience, and grace in a marriage. Those qualities have helped hubby and me live together peacefully all of these years. They had to be learned a little at a time, because they sure didn't come naturally! But every time I practiced one of those qualities, love got stronger. Go figure. Now it is the bedrock on which I stand, a foundation built one brick, one choice, one moment at a time. Thanks for this loving post.
Chris

Sassy Pants Freckle Face said...

LOVE your post
LOVE the picture
LOVE it all!!!!

stopping by from
e l e m en t a l
c h a l l e n g e

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I absolutely love this post! You've described what love is perfectly. :)

Ocean Girl said...

Real love is true love.

I'm a Jill reader. Nice meeting you TechnoBabe.