Love begins within me. If I am healthy and loving toward myself and satisfied in my own skin, I am able to love and be loved in a relationship.
Being in a relationship, in my case a marriage, requires me to take the blinders off and be in reality. Being married isn't waltzing around the house in heels and a French maid costume waiting to surprise hubby as he walks in the door! What if he has a cold? What if he is feeling "ouchy" with me? What if he is tired? Sometimes I am these things and more. Is it the end of the relationship if I don't get the response I want when I want it?
Acceptance and forgiveness are acting with love toward the one I love. Learning when to speak up and when it would be better to talk later. A gentle touch on the arm or cheek as I walk past my husband several times a day is connecting throughout the day in ways that don't need words. My husband will pat my butt when I fix dinner or reach for my hand at the dinner table. For me this is true intimacy.
Finding that place somewhere in the middle where I'm not slipping on wet rocks on a cliff and not laying on the couch with headphones eating bon bons is what working on love is really about. That middle place of caring about my husband so much that I can feel his pain when he hurts. But knowing he is an individual with rights and needs of his own, as do I, keeps me out of his business. I don't spout unsolicited advice. I realize I am not the know all and be all in his life. Trusting him to be an honorable man and knowing he is doing the best he can is also freedom for me.
For me love is a big circle. Holding hands to form the circle are humor, dignity, kindness, forgiveness, laughter, intimacy, surprises, encouragement, sensuality, honesty, non judgmental and no expectations.
Love is something so precious and joyous I want to celebrate it every day, not put one day aside a year to remember the fun of love.
Note: Yorksnbeans at Elemental My Dear is collecting posts on what we think love is.
Timely and fun, don't you think? Go read her post and write a post on Love!