Pages

February 05, 2010

Things We Have In Common

Our lifestyle might seem mildly boring to some people. That is absurd to me though, because I feel like my life is interesting and pleasant and calm. Three things I would put at the top of a priority list if I had one.

Hubby and I have many things in common. I had stopped watching any news on television when I met him and he did not watch TV at all. At the time I met him, I had a large plasma TV on my wall and surround sound and all the gadgets. Six months into the relationship when we each moved from our respective homes into a rental house together, it did not take any deciding for me to part with the TV and most of the gadgets. So for four and a half years we have not watched TV, not any TV. It is funny, when the subject is introduced into a conversation upon meeting someone new, and we say we don't watch TV, it just is not heard. ALWAYS, later in the conversation, the new person brings up some show on TV and asks if we watched a particular episode!! Amazing how people cannot or will not listen. I imagine recovering alcoholics get the same treatment. We people in recovery are not the only ones in denial!

The next thing hubby and I have in common is music. I have mentioned in earlier posts how much music has meant to me all through my life. In a different way, but with no less importance, music has been part of hubby's life. When he was young his father bought him an acoustic guitar. From there hubby began playing in a band and singing. So for 33 years hubby moved around in the music world and the drug and alcohol world as well. For a man with bipolar disorder, seeking to disassociate by ingesting chemicals contributed to many manic episodes and other trials in his life. I always mention the fact that he has been clean and sober for nine years whenever I refer to his addictions. Back to the music, an angel must have been sitting on my shoulder when I was getting to know the man who became my hubby. I have music in my life like I always wanted. Live music. He has a keyboard and lots of gadgets and equipment attached to the computer as well as music software. He composes tunes for background to play his guitar. This is so fun for me to be around. I have had the joy of helping hubby compose music, sitting with him in front of a blank music software page on the monitor.

We are each in recovery programs. Hubby and his sponsor meet regularly. I work the twelve steps with a sponsor in a codependents anonymous program. I keep my remarks on our individual recoveries to a minimum; however our individual work is life changing and of upmost importance. It is personal but powerful and we keep it that way as well as honoring others anonymity. I speak openly about my own recovery, I keep my nose out of hubby's recovery.

We each have iMac computers and printers and scanner and all the equipment we need for the things we do. Hubby was blogging before I started blogging and we have different blogs we each follow on our readers;some the same and some different interests in blogs. If I find a great photo I either forward it to him via email or chat and he does the same thing. We have interests in recovery and nutrition and politics and photography and poetry and humor and fiction and art and of course music. So we are constantly sharing things we find.

Hubby has always made our bread, mostly whole wheat. So he makes hamburger buns too. We share an interest in making cookies or candy with honey and carob. Sometimes we are in the kitchen together or just one of us doing our own thing.

Reading is something we have both incorporated into our lives. The first time I was going to meet him in person almost five years ago I told him I would meet him in front of the restaurant and I would bring my book so if his meeting went a little over I was fine because I would have my book. For me that was just normal. No big deal. I have a book with me everywhere I go. He told me later that when I said that, he was a goner. We had been emailing and talking on the phone quite a bit by then but we had not found our shared love of reading yet. We go to the library every week to drop off books and movies and find more. We pore over the stacks of books and I carry a list of my favorite authors and add new ones regularly. All the people working at the library are our buddies.

Life has been tough in many ways for each of us, but we are grateful for the learning experiences and the challenges that have taught us to be strong and true to what we want as individuals. We all bring baggage with us into relationships, the bags just don't have to be full of dirty clothes. It is nice if there are some spices, some memories, some kindness, and some spunkiness.

Answer to Trivia Question in previous post:
What singer was born Anthony Benedetto? Tony Bennett! I can tell this question was not difficult enough!! So many people popped up with the correct answer. I told you that you all are way too smart to be hanging out with me!!

Note: More white stuff keeps coming down from the heavens, sorta like angels sprinkling powdered sugar on top of the mounds of white sugar already here. Gotta love it!

26 comments:

Ronda Laveen said...

Great post, TechnoBabe. You just keep getting better and better. Thanks for the "share." I really like what you wrote about baggage not having to hold "dirties." Yes, it can hold beauty,fun and truth as well.

Blessings to you and hubby. You seem evenly matched and compliment each other so well. Loved the library scenario with the both of you.

cinner said...

You know beautiful post TechnoBabe, you had me at every word. I think it is wonderful when people find a love that is indeed so suitedl I love music, i always wanted to play an instrument...I have to admit I have not been to a library in years...it truly is sad. I do most of my reading on here..I do go to used book stores though. I am proud of you both for your recovery. As for your life it sounds perfect to me. love to you both.

Rock Chef said...

Great post!

I am dabbling in making backing tracks for myself - great fun and you don't get into arguments with the drummer! :-)

We were without a TV for the first couple of years - these days I think the main thing we watch is the news! We don't watch what most people watch...

Brian Miller said...

we got the white stuff as well...so in for a long weekend of sledding. love the list of commonalities...love to read myself and our marriage got T into reading...hope you have a good one!

Shadow said...

too few of us think about and take the time to appreciate our 'commonness'. especially since its those things that draw and keep us together. thank you for opening my eyes to that again...

Margie said...

I have to tell you how much I loved this post!
You and your hubby sound like a perfect match and you are blessed to have found each other!
I think you are one lucky girl ... having someone make bread sounds like heaven to me as I love bread!
I love it more than candy! LOL!
May you both share many more blissful years together!

Margie:)

Jeanie said...

A life that is calm, pleasant and full of shared interests with a loved one is anything but boring. You are fortunate and you are smart to know how fortunate you are.

Ina in Alaska said...

Now THAT is a love story! I enjoyed every word. Home made bread is the BEST!!! Warm, fresh cut and with butter!!! yum...

I agree completely with you, TB, people do not listen!!!!! We call it "selective hearing". People's attention levels vary. I can usually tell if someone is paying attention to what I am saying.

I wish my hubby would watch LESS TV (although I am guilty of enjoying reality TV.. so trashy but fun) And since he is a bit older, the TV is LOUDER... aaahhhh

Ms Hen said...

This post was Breathtaking..

A music man..lovely...

I dated a man that played a 6 string guitar for 13 months... wrote about him in my Flash 55..

Lovely.. hearing him play as I made breakfast.. he even took some of my poems and turned them into songs..

T.V. I hardly keep my t.v. on..but I do like having it.. my son is into the Yankees and Science Channels..

I do watch www.abc.com for some dumb shows... since a tradition now with my daughter that she watches them too..

With a computer you can get everything you need without a t.v. blasting.

I dated someone who kept the t.v on 24 hours a day; when he was home.. and very annoying..

computers are more interacting..than just watching a t.v. show..

Old movies can be gotten for free on fancast too.

otin said...

Problem with internet trivia is google! :)

I do not watch tv anymore except for about 2 shows.

My Dad bakes bread. It is a hobby of his. Did I mention that he is fat?? LOL

DJan said...

What a nice post about your marriage. I think you are both so fortunate to have found each other. My hubby and I have many things like that which brought us together at the age of fifty, and marriage was only a couple of years away after that. And you tell your story so well.

Unknown Mami said...

It sounds like you really compliment each other. I love love.

Betty said...

First visit to your blog. Thanks for your comment on mine. I´m always glad to meet a new reader. Will be checking in again.

It´s good to read how much you have in common with your hubby. Mine is not so excited about my blog, he doesn´t read it and thinks I´m putting way too much information out there. But he know how much I love it, and lets me. :)

Just Breathe said...

This was a wonderful read. It was fun getting to know you and your husbands connection. Keep up the excellent work in recovery. I am really in awe about the TV. When I think about all the things I would like to be doing I would have to say that the TV keeps me from doing them. I'm not sure I could do that but I think it would be a much more rewarding life filled with peace. I never watch the news or read the paper. I am uninformed.

I love to read yet I only usually read on vacation in the summer where we have to TV. Maybe I should only watch the handful of shows I tape and not turn it on otherwise. I think I am having a lightbulb moment. So you don't watch movies?

Dave King said...

That is a really inspiring post. I can relate to a lot of it. Though we do not have quite so much in common, and do ave a T.V. set, there was a time when we were tellyless! I was a teacher, and it was very difficult indeed, trying to tell the children why we did not have the one great essential!

jozien said...

This is beautiful! You two are so lucky. Thank you for sharing:)

gayle said...

What a beautiful story!! Keep doing what you are doing..it works!!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

When my husband and I met, he told me that life is about the little moments together, and he was right. We've had some Big Adventures, too, but they take on their real meaning in the shared moments. One of the biggest things we share is our sense of humor. We "get" each other. (Now that I think about it, I think I'll blog about that!) Thanks for a thoughtful post.

lisleman said...

Hey I posted that Happy 101 Sweet Friends award - thanks again.

Does Hubby have any of his music up on the internet to listen to?

secret agent woman said...

Mildly boring? No lifestyle that brings you peace and joy can be boring. The main thing is to find a path that works for you, and it surely sounds like you have.

James said...

No tv for 4 years? :0 I won't even try to kid myself into thinking that I could do that. I thiink it's admirable though.

Enchanted Oak said...

Thank you for visiting my blog, TechnoBabe. This is me dropping in to get to know you a little better. I have a marriage like your marriage, except we're both recovering alcoholics. He watches TV and I blog. We're both happy in our separate spaces, like you are. Serenity rules our household, and life isn't boring. I thank God for it every morning. So does my hubby. We've been together 18 years now, through thick and thin. Our dedication to the marriage is fierce. So must yours be.
Thanks for a good post.
Chris
Simple Things Challenge this weekend!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I've just spent a while caching up n your posts Techno. You are a terrific good writer and I enjoy coming here very much.

It sounds like you and hubby have a wonderful life together and many important things in common to make a relationship happy and content. I'm happy for you.

Have a great weekend.
jj

Eternally Distracted said...

Well Technobabeilicious, that was a fabbarooney post. It seems like you have your soulmate and he has his... what more could a girl wish for?!!

Great to read that you are so happy :0)

terri said...

I would love to be without televisions. Not sure how the rest of the family would feel, but I'd love it! Television is just background noise to me. Gimme a good book any day!

Syd said...

We have similar lives in which we share an interest in the ocean, baking, news, reading, gardening, dogs, and cats.