Eroding away at my emotional reserve is more wearing than being drained physically.
Or bruised or scraped.
I fell off my bike again today. This was only the second time and both times I fell away from the sidewalk bike path and today I fell out of the way of a fast biker coming around the turn behind me. It made me nervous, I guess, and I took the turn wide and was going to be in the way of the fast biker and I applied my brakes and didn't slow down enough and went skidding off the trail, across the wet grass. Thank goodness for the storm last night and the medium high grass on both sides of the bike trails. Of course, my bike dug into the mud and so did I. Kerplunk, shwish, slide, splash, then stop.
It happened in early morning. My wrist feels a little ouchy and neck a tad tight but it could have been so much worse. The fast biker stopped his fancy bike and asked if I was okay, which gave me a better feeling for the "bikey people" as I call them. The bikey people ride the expensive bikes and wear the fancy bike clothes and helmets and bike cleats and don't break a sweat as they ride 50 miles an hour all day. Maybe a little exaggeration, but not much. I, on the other hand, ride my $60 bike, wear my old tennies, old shorts, baggy shirt, and a sun visor. And I think I am stylin'!
For a moment as I was pulling myself up out of the mud, I remembered that I don't have health insurance. I don't know why that popped into my mind at that time because I haven't had health insurance for years except for a few months at the last job. Since I rarely go to a doctor, the monthly fee for the health insurance cost more than me just paying my own way if and when I see a doctor, so I canceled that insurance and I also knew I wouldn't be working much longer. But I don't live my life worrying about an accident or living so cautiously that I don't really live. It was just interesting to me that I felt relieved to know I wasn't hurt and wouldn't need to find a clinic or a doctor.
Getting back on the bike to finish the ride was what took the emotional energy and chewed it up and seeped it out as I rode back to where the car was parked. This was going to be an adventure today to investigate a different bike trail and the long sharp winding downward curve was not very much fun. I'm going back to the scenic straight shot bike trail for awhile longer before I get adventurous again.